I guess what I'm wondering about is that fixation on what you didn't get to do that is blinding you to so many other things you could try, and don't... because nothing, in your mind, could possibly compare to what you never got the chance to try.
You rob the rest of your life based on an experience you haven't had?
Are you afraid to dream because you think that if you do, that will get snatched away from you, too -- before you get the chance to try that?
CAC, I wasn't talking about a ride, I was talking about having someone let you fly and they are present just as PIC to make it all legal. I realize it still isn't quite the same, but on the other hand it is better than sitting home stewing about what you've lost, KWIM?
I also get what you are saying. You are not ultimately responsible for the flight, and when the chips are down you can be sure that I'm going to take the airplane if things start going badly (it is my airplane, and my ticket after all). So yeah, sort of like going on the kiddie ride after being allowed to run the place.
Anyway, my point and I think Corri's is that while you can't have the one thing you wanted, you have a choice of either accepting that and finding something else that tickles your fancy or some way to work around the barrier, or you can sit and moan about the shitty hand you got dealt. As I've told S17, these are the cards you got dealt. You don't have to like them, You don't even have to play them, but if you don't you have no way of knowing what might come of them.
{ok, that big long post of mine ended incoherantly, because I was cutting and pasting, and the whole thing didn't make it over, and I didn't notice the mistake until after the "edit" time limit. not that its important, but the last sentence should have read: "...but its not something that they aspired to from a young age." }
Originally Posted By: Corri
and they only way they fought their way OUT of that endless pit of despair was to dream another dream... and go for it.
ha ha! yeah, um...if you can come up with something that would even come close to that, you let me know. I've been trying for 20 years. trust me, there ain't no such animal.
Originally Posted By: Corri
Believe it or not... THAT is the discipline of a pilot.
No, that's the discipline of a "Zen Bhudist", or something like that. GGB described it earlier as the mastery of multiple skills, but I don't recall the ability to "be happy" with whatever plate of sh!t life hands you being on any FAA exam that I ever took.
But anyway...
I think we've kind of gotten off the initial point of this thread, which was something along the lines of "this "thing" that happened to me is the source of all my problems". and I'm not sure I agree that I'm "not happy", etc, etc. Sure, like the t-shirt says, "I'd rather by flying". but that's life. Its not like I'm stuck living in a van, down by the river, anesthetising myself with a gallon of cheap scotch every night. I found another path, I have a career, I'm paying the rent...but to think that I would ever find anything that compares to that...well, that would be a fools errand, imo. Kind of like trying to top "walking on the moon".
CAC, I wasn't talking about a ride, I was talking about having someone let you fly and they are present just as PIC to make it all legal. sure, and when I win the lottery, I'll just hire some starving flight instructor, clamoring to make the big-time, like I once was, to follow me around.
it is better than sitting home stewing about what you've lost, KWIM? ... or you can sit and moan about the shitty hand you got dealt.
{channeling Richard Nixon:}
let me make myself perfectly clear...
I'm not doing that. I'm just explaining what it was that happened. I believe it is a very unusual sort of thing. It was asserted that this "bad thing" that happend is the root of all my problems, and I was just explaining what it was that happened, and how its not like all these other things that people are comparing it to. For the most part, the only people who understand this are other pilots, but particularly, professional pilots, who have (as I had) all their eggs in one basket, and have even more to lose than I had then.
We had a WHOLE bunch of this discussion a year ago. I posted to Chuck in October 2006:
Quote:
Chuck wrote Quote: ----------------------------------
The career in which I had my entire identity wrapped up, was taken away from me by the diagnosis of a medical problem...a congenital heart defect. I'd spent my entire youth preparing to be a military pilot. I could fly a plane before I could drive a car. I'd spent my education on attaining this goal...its highly competative. The us Navy was accepting about 300 people a year into the program. I was eventually selected... ----------------------------
Chuck, this is HUGE... I'm so sorry your health prevented you from attaining your dream. Damn. Have you really let yourself be angry about this and also to grieve over it? Or are you telling yourself that it doesn't matter and it's no big deal? It's a very big deal. This is huge... really. (((((Chuck)))))
My late H was a helicopter pilot in VietNam (medivac) and when he came back he was diagnosed with diabetes. He was not permitted to fly anymore (not that he wanted to go back THERE!), and the rest of his life (~30 years) was spent coping with that progressive disease, which eventually killed him.
My father also wanted to be a Navy pilot in WWII, and he was accepted into the program. He was very smart. But he needed a birth certificate, and in the little county on the Texas-Arkansas border where he came from, they didn't do birth certificates in 1925. By the time he got a letter testifying to his birth date, it was too late. He spent the rest of his life bitter and angry, and I'm sure he never attributed it to that. But when he wrote about it when he was in his 60's a big light bulb went on over MY head.
And the way you describe how you and your W got together is about the most unromantic thing I ever heard. It's almost as unromantic as my bf coming to be drunk every night for the first two years of our R...
Some lousy things happened to you that you had no control over. But you still have choices. For one thing, you have the choice whether to let these things determine WHO you are now. You have the choice to stay in the marriage or not. You have the choice to take care of your health or not. You have the choice to stop defining your life by what happens or has happened OUTSIDE of you.
At some point you and your W each made the choice to be in this M. Is that still a viable choice? Do you still want to be there? Does she? Don't live the rest of your life in the passive voice. Sh*t happens. You were dealt some bad cards... not the worst ones in the deck... but you've had obstacles.
What do you want to do with the REST of your life?
At the time I suggested that cac was grieving over having had flying taken away from him prematurely.
I'm more headed towards "having all your eggs in one basket" as the root cause, rather than the specific pilot thing, but we had to go the 'pilot' route to get to the root.
Since all your eggs were in one basket, and you lost the eggs and the basket... kwis?
Every story you tell, every post you make, has that 'feeling' -- to me -- that colors you, your attitude, your life. I'm not saying I am right... it's just what I'm picking up on... seems like when we get close to 'it (the root)' you back out, back away... say, hey, it's okay, my life isn't that bad... I'm dealing... I'm happy, really.
CAC, Hang around the local airport. I know there are pilots like me out there that are not in the business of instructing that would be glad to take you up and act as PIC if you'd be willing to split expenses. That can't be just a local thing here. Also, how limiting is your condition? Are you on record for having been disqualified for a 3rd class medical? If not, then a sport pilot license may be an option. I know of older pilots who felt they wouldn't pass the 3rd class and rather than hitting that wall have gone to sport pilot. Even if that is closed to you because of your condition, you can still fly ultralights legally.
Just saying that you have options, and while it isn't the whole enchilada, it does get you a work-around. Yeah, all your eggs were in one basket. The basket got toppled, and eggs broke. While you can't make boiled eggs with what is left, you can still have scrambled eggs if you don't mind picking a few shells out.
Cac, with your statement about winning the lottery, it sounds a lot to me like you are making excuses why you can't. If it is something you really want, you'll find a way. Flying is expensive, as are many other avocations (boating and skiing come to mind). I probably can't really afford it with 6 kids, but I scrimp wherever I can to make so that it can happen. Yeah, I can't fly nearly as much as I'd like, but I do what I can so that I can at least have a piece of it. So, is it really something you want, or is it just a central fixture for your pity party?
GGB I like your suggestions to Cac. I see CAC as wanting the hard-boiled eggs version and scrambled eggs with a few shells just isn't the same thing. Maybe scrambled eggs don't win blue ribbons and Cac is/was looking for some type of ribbon.
One pilot's board I looked at talked about "pointy and fast" VS "blunt and slow." I suppose the pointy and fast is part of the addiction/disease. I don’t have any quick solutions for an alternative to “pointy and fast.”
I know in my case I needed an income and gave up gave up what was for what could/will be.
I knew a guy who had a love of music his whole life. He was an accomplished player, but his true love was composition and conducting. He wanted more than anything else to conduct one of the major symphony orchestras playing music he wrote. As you can imagine, that required a lot of training and hard time.
But before he got his big break, he was diagnosed with MS. And although there are a lot of heartwarming stories out there about "the sick person who always wanted to do X who met the famous person who did X and they let them experience it for just one magical day", such stories are not about real life for most people with debilitating disease. And to top it off, he had two pre-school children when he was diagnosed.
The last I saw him, he was composing for a small college wind ensemble, and his latest piece was an ode for his children.
Heartbreak is ubiquitous, it is the main reason why religion is so prevalent. There must be something better, good must triumph, those of us who work hard deserve to have our just rewards.
Sigh.
Frankly cac, if you want to indulge in your heartbreak from time to time and rail at the unfairness of it all, go for it. Its perfectly understandable.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
