First off, your W sounds just like mine. Of course we are to blame and they are not. Of course they never look happy. They are doing the best they can to justify their actions to themselves.
Regardless of how they feel, the divorce is business - nothing more and nothing less.
See a lawyer tomorrow if you have not.
The custody thing needs to be worked out NOW. My lawyer told me it is almost impossible to modify a custody schedule later on. Of course each state is different that is why you need a lawyer. You have to get the holiday and summer stuff worked out. How about weekends? In Alabama, ages three and up use the same schedule and provides the non-custodal parent much more time than you outline. Other states it is age five. Do an internet search on this - tons of stuff and tons of suggested schedules that are tailored to the child - not to the mom who wants to dump the dad.
It is all about the child - not her or you.
Your lifestyle has little to do with anyhting unless you are breaking the law, have addictions, are mentally ill or violent. Again, check with a lawyer. Just b/c you see other women is no reason for W to withhold your child. She will just have to get over it, even though she wishes otherwise you are still the dad and you have rights.
Believe me, if it were not for the court ordered visitation schedule I am under, my former W would never give me time with my kids. So protect yourself. She thinks she owns the kids and I would not put it past her to "use" them against me. Thus my legal papers are sooooo important!
Joint Legal and Physical Custody is a joke. The bottom line is that one parent usually has the final say in things and that parent is ususally the one with the most time with the kids. The "joint" custody stuff is there to make the Father's lobby feel better but in practice it means little really. You can have input into stuff but it best be clearly spelled out now.
Finally, if your W is using your daughter to "spy" you best call her on it. That is so wrong on so many levels. Partition the court to intervene if you have to. In my county, the judge will order family counseling if need to protect the kids from such things.
