Sandi2 I don't know how my H has hung in such a depressing R. He hasn't received much of anything out of it. I get to feeling sorry for myself and come here and invite you all to my little pity parties, but he has not had it easy by any means. Maybe that is why I feel badly that I can't seem to "throw" myself into doing a lot of "physical" things, that I would otherwise, to show him I was "trying" to make things better.......and have people over to entertain, etc. I would be full of life and enthusiasm like I was in the early years. But that person.....well, she is still there in my heart, I think.....but it is so far down that I don't know if she will ever reappear. My health is the biggest issue......I think. It keeps me down. I have noticed when I do have just a little bit of energy that I am like a different person. I'm not as depressed and I'm happier, etc. It is easier to fight the bad days when you have some energy....even if you have pain.
Well, I have seen some of this from my side of the M.
Now, mind you, he never had an original idea other than go into town and look around at Wal-Mart, go out and eat.....and for really big celebrations...get a motel. That is the limit of his brain storms. However, I don't feel like doing that and I feel guilty when he "appears" to be put out at me lying around (well, I'm not laying, but you know what I mean.) I could give you my POV because I lived part of that situation myself. I am not here to point out what it feels like to the male/other spouse or to point out your errors. I can tell you what it was like for me, but I would rather answer specific questions if you have any.
He never had an original idea I did 2 good/considerate things for BB this weekend that she reacted negatively to both of them at first. After she calmed down I explained why I did the two things.
Maybe something similar happens in your M? If so, that could be one reason your H seems so non-creative.
For me, even having the best intentions, has a way of offending BB or it feels to me what I do, isn't good enough for her.
To avoid feeling rejected, to avoid conflicts, I do some withdrawing. I think that is a normal MO.
It is easier to fight the bad days when you have some energy....even if you have pain. BTDT some myself. Back surgery in 1981, was supposed to have it again in 1986, had several crashes since. I am doing well 95% of the time. Pain? It's "OH that pain," most of the time for me.
