Well I guess it is that old entitlement thing again. Your H apparently felt entitled to something because somewhere he felt he had a raw deal. Until he confronts whatever thinking of that variety led to this he won't know why he did what he did.
There is not so much a need for you to feel martyred. I think it is important for you to be at least a little p*ssed. Otherwise, your ego isn't too healthy. KWIM? It is funny, my Mom was cheated on by my Dad many years ago. He took full responsibility for it and they healed from it. She doesn't bring it up often but once she did say that the part that she owned was that she had always felt entitled to him thinking she was "it" and that she didn't know she needed to work on things too. I don't know what he thought he was entitled to but I guess he figured it out and fixed it. She is clear now what part of that was "his" and what part was "hers". She isn't afraid to show him her anger now and that, in part, came out of no longer being afraid of what "might" happen - what "might" happen already did once and they lived.
