Don't settle now with the expectation that you can get more visitation later. This is the time to do it. Why are these just 4-8:00? Can't you have her overnight? Joint legal custody, in my opinion, isn't worth squat. It will give you the ability to see what's going on at school, etc, but she pretty much can do whatever she pleases.
I personally think you might consider language to protect you from her moving away. Say, needs your permission to leave the state or move more than 50 miles away...something like that.
I do believe it makes her feel better to beat up on you. Plus, she actually believes that you are a bad guy. I would try to get off the phone with her as soon as she starts that b.s.
If you really want joint physical custody (which I suggest you request....and get a lawyer if you don't have one), you should be above reproach until the D goes through. Your wife might actually be jealous, but she could also be digging up dirt on you so be careful.
Those are just thoughts off the top of my head.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
