Stories don't always end

[BeingMe]

Thanks Cat! You make me blush! I loved the movie, BTW!

I'm going to be okay ... in fact, better than okay. I realise now that there is little point in standing for a M, when the effort is so lopsided ... it will just fail again, and again. I don't even resent my H ... he is who he is. He has to want to change ... I certainly can't control it, or force it. I did not even give him an ultimatum. Just told him that it's pointless sharing a bedroom as if we are roommates, so may as well have our own rooms. And, it went from there ... may as well go our separate ways .... in no hurry for divorce, but not willing to live this lukewarm kind of M, yadda yadda. That's when he said he loves parts of me ... sheesh!

Anyway, tomorrow is the BIG 5-0, so I will have my own solitary ceremony, where I will let go of the last half century of hurt, pain, and stupidity (from my H, my family, and myself). I will live my life for me now (and my last kid at home, D14). I need more autonomy, authenticity, and adventure. I will no longer allow others to define who I am (and let the definition from my childhood drag me down anymore), or feel the need to explain my actions, or sacrifice myself to the alter of my M and religion. No more unfounded guilt, no more resentments, or obsessing over things that will mean nothing in 50 years time. Oh yeah! Time for some BIG changes.