WAW1978-Part 4

[waw1978]

Thank you everyone for the insight.

Nomo,

I certainly did not mean my comments in a controlling way. Only that I have been asking H for MC for several years to deal with the deep issues we had. I felt like I had not other choice than to leave. Whether to make him see just how badly I was hurting or to force him into dealing with reality. Get his head of the sand. I don't think of this as manipulative. Maybe it is and I just don't recongnize that but as a WAS with an H that had refused to acknowledge out M was trouble I felt this was the only way to get through to him.

How much longer is one of those questions...every one has a different answer. I am still willing to work on the M but if he is not and he had decided to move on and I have been suffering in a loveless union for years...how much longer should I bail water out of sinking ship? Thats how I feel. I feel like H has abandoned ship and is reaching for the life boat going by. Should I let my self drown or swim to shore and start my own life laying on the beach with coconuts and run?

I guess from the WAS pov if you have an H who just doesn't get it, doesn't seem to want to get it, doesn't want to take any responsibility for how we got here...Its just not very encouraging. Sometimes I wish I had just left, shut the door and moved on. Instead I am drawn back by the promise that he could be the man I married. Unless of course he never really was that guy to begin wiht.

As far as the ring, I have been wearing it as long as I felt married. But if I have a spouse that is DATING othe women when he didn't want to date me I feel compelled to chuck the thing in the garbage. Its nearly worthless to me know. It no longer represents what it used too.

You all might forget I haven't had any "gratification" in years...you can only watch so many movies with British men before one becomes restless. I just feel jipped that other woman are enjoying my husband when he never wanted me in that way.

I am staring to feel like i am entitled to go shop at Target and head out a pun crawl. I know negative talk but its been a tough few days and really eye opening about where H is heading with his life. Time to start living mine you know?