Down and out...need hope.

[Dom R]

I love her but I cant drop myself into this state anymore. I have mentally convinced myself that this is over. My entire focus now is myself and my kids. I'll do everything I can for them.

you just contradicted yourself.
you are NOT doing "everything you can for them".

Get a grip on yourself. Calm down. Dont allow yourself to go to extremes.
"I GOTTA FIX THIS RIGHT NOW!!!" is an extreme
So is, "I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I'M BAILING OUT!!!"

Do something/get something nice for your wife's birthday.
Something that doesnt require spending a lot of time with you, but something that shows that you definately care about her still.

Hold on to this thought: You are lucky, compared to many others. Your wife has talked a lot about divorce, but:

• she hasnt filed
• you are still living together
• she isnt dating anyone

get a grip on yourself, calm down, and understand that the only way it is "all over" at this point, is if you just give up.

Dont be a coward. Stick to your marriage vows, and learn about what you can do (and NOT do) now.

know this: being separated/divorced, is the worst possible thing you will likely ever do against your kids.
It will scar their current life, and their future relationships, forever.

Do not just give up on your children.