All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

wow! how amazing that you guys dont' have councelors at hand! my medical insurance covers Cs and Ts, and they are out there by the tons. One day I will take classes to be some sort of C perhaps, yes, you do need a degree. The group support was headed by a wonderful T who saw me through the worst of my separation.

I work on computers, publishing, on the artistic side, I could draw and paint decently, though for lack of practive I probable couldnt' so well now.

My H, now, wouldnt' read a R book, maybe if I read it to him and only 2 pgs he would agree. I think childhood issues are a huge reason why people have MLC crisis at some point. For one, my H came from an abuse household in which the father hit the mother and the 2 children, his mother took on all the abuse and didn't say anything (he brought this up very angrily to her a few times, he sort of too, kept his unhappiness quiet for so long, just as he was "taught" by his mom")
They are so afraid to be trapped in a loveless household and rather flee, they never did see a good resolution to their home's troubles.

My H would also lay on the farthest side of the bed, (when he came back last year after the S) and as much as I wanted to touch him I gave him that space. So, if he doesn't want to hug you after you askin him the first time, don't put any more pressure on him, just tell him you hope he feels better and let him be. I so want to ask my H when he'll come up and sleep with me, but I won't, I dont' want to rush him into something he isnt' ready for yet. In the meantime, he does kiss back and hug me now and then, and hold hands for a bit here and there... not what I really want but for now that's all he can give.

Unless the colleage at work has been through a separation/divorce or the likes she really can't understand what you are going through, so don't let her comments consume you. About "what if it is the same next year", that you will deal with when it the time comes. Funny, on Saturday I was sitting in church wondering how long I could bear living w/my H as if we are room mates when I was given our study guide for the quarter, 3 months. And I decided, that I'd evaluate how far we'd come along in 3 mths and see if he had made any progress, then I'd go from there, but at least I'd give myself a timeline to keep my sanity. Everyone has a different time frame, threshold for enduring pain, my T did suggest to me at the time of my S to come up with a tim line for my own sanity.

The DB book does suggest not to bring up D when the S wants out but has stopped talking about it. So I guess the same might go for your sitch, to not bring the subject about his leaving unless he brings it up. He is doing things for the children and seems like he wants to be part of the household still, that's something.

We do things together, not much time (and sometimes not much money) available, but he does want to do stuff with me and the children.

Hang in there pal, I'm usually off the boards on weekends, my kids confiscate the computer when I get home, plus, being on the computer all day makes me want to take a break take care hon))))