Happy weekend. May I just say you are all such wonderful people with such comfort and support to spread. I really value that.
PS, True, AH, thank you for checking in on me. I'm ok. I will miss it very much, but I am thankful that at least this didn't happen with me living in the same area, and I would have to drive by and see another family living there. Hopefully the new owners will take good care of it and make happier memories. Oh...if those walls could talk...
Alison, I hope he is still moving along. It is hard to tell; sometimes I believe he is firmly stuck in depression. I do remain his friend though, and he knows how to reach me if he wishes to talk. That's about all I can do for him.
Was2, I do long for that day when I am in a different home, filling it with happier times and moving far away from the last few years of my life. There definitely will be less of a load on H's shoulders now that he does not have such a huge mortgage & loan payment to meet every month. It will probably take a few months for the dust to settle, but soon his finances should be in much better order. That is, if he keeps himself out of replay and doesn't act like he did 2 years ago. Scary, scary times. If he keeps in touch with me, I will be interested in how he's doing around Nov., just to see if he's managing to get his life back in order. It's funny...there is absolutely nothing keeping us together. We own no property jointly; we have no children; we don't live in the same area; we are already LS; nothing. And still he won't file. Then again, I haven't either. Not sure why on both counts.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I wrote H an email this weekend and I asked him to do me a small favor. I told him I don't know where he stands in his personal life, but if he knows he's going to file for a D (which he can now, we've been LS for over a year), to not wait until he's doing it for another relationship. I told him that would be very difficult for me to deal with, and I would rather handle it without someone else being involved in the situation. I feel better that I said it. I kept it very short and to the point, and thanked him for understanding. I added I was not asking him to file, but merely expressing my opinion on how it should be handled if he's going to do it. I could not handle it if in a handful of months he tells me he's filing and there is another ow involved. Maybe it was wrong of me to mention it at all, but I felt like I needed to say it; get it off my chest. He won't reply, but I know he'll read it. That was the only contact I've had with him since Thurs.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
You are just being honest with yourself, and with H. The books say if what you are doing is not working, do something different.
We know the books are little use in MLC. Since your H seems to be trying to exit the tunnel, it may be time for you to test your honest feelings with him. He may surprise you. He may just retreat. I think he will have to find strength to file. I am not sure he has that in him right now. I guess this would be one way to see.
You seem ok with whatever he chooses, although many of us know the next step does throw one a big curve no matter how prepared you think you are. We are with you as you stand for yourself first, and your M second. God bless and get rest.
Hugs, Was2. Thanks for being supportive. Do I truly want a D? No. But there is so little to work with here. You know what I mean. It would hurt a LOT LOT less if he filed before he got involved with someone else (who knows; maybe he already is?) and then told me he was filing because he wanted to get married to someone else. That would hurt all over again. Want to see Hopefloats back at square one? Let H pull that stunt. Not good. I'd rather he do it with just 2 people involved, not three. I do feel relieved having stated my feelings.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Sometimes we have to let them know how we feel about certain things. I think what you asked was a reasonable request. You deserve that and so much more.
I have been keeping track of your sitch. You said there is nothing tying the two of you together now that the property is sold and you do not have kids together. I disagree. The two of you have the memories of all the good times together. I believe that will eventually hold a lot of weight with your H when he comes out of the tunnel.
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
So H surprised me by replying. He said that he would not do what I was worried about; he wouldn't wait to file until he met someone; he said, "It's not about that." He said he is not with anyone nor is he even looking. He told me I didn't have to wait on him to do it, either; I could file if I wanted to. He said if he does it, it would not be to go be with someone else. He closed by saying he was very busy with work and had to get to bed.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
This last reply from H sounds very depressed (in the short run) but very hopeful for you in the longer term. He may just be moving toward the end of his nightmare, and just isn't quite there yet. I remain really hopeful for you...
