I was almost a WAW (and still am-- in my heart?)

[Dom R]

Hey Sandi,
sounds like the Lord wants your "plate" to be full, with the extra worries from outside, on top of your "inside" ones.

You can take that as a curse... or, you can use it as a blessing. These challenges, could actually be what you need to pull your marriage closer together, if you let them. ...

He said, "You need to get out in this nice weather before the rain sets in." My reply was, "It is this nice weather that has my allergies acting up." So, out the door he goes and I'm thinking.......there we go again....he doesn't understand and he never will.

It's all about perspective.
Your perspective has been less than optimal, for 40 years.
You MIGHT need a daily reminder for yourself somewhere, to keep it squarely in a better direction now. Maybe to the point of wearing an extra ring or something, to have a constant visual reminder to yourself,
"Look for the positive side in your husband!"

What your verbal exchange sounded like to me, was:
Your husband made a considerate remark to you, in an attempt to connect with you and show interest and care about you.
You chose to take that remark, ignore the positives, and find something else to resent him for.
Trouble is, if you try hard enough, you will be able to find a supposed negative, in EVERYTHING your husband says or does.

You will bury your marriage forever, unless you figure out a way to make yourself stop doing that.

You have noted, many times, that your husband is very close-lipped, and also very non....activity based?
That means, that even the slightest efforts in either department... is equivalent to if you had gone jogging for an hour, in terms of effort from him!

He just made an attempted effort, in both the "verbal" side, AND the "doing stuff" side... and you shut him down for it! Yet in the same post, you complain about him not "doing stuff" with you!
(not to mention that YOU'RE being the stick in the mud not doing things.)

Make a pact with yourself. Promise, "from now on, I will always try to look for the positive in what my husband says, every day".



MOre on the "doing stuff" side.. you two are a "traditionally based couple", that come from a "traditional values" background.
To the best of my knowlege, that means that, unfortunately, social/activity organizing is squarely on your shoulders.
You are solidly planted in a "role" in your marriage: cooking, and social director

If you want to CHANGE your role a bit... there is that option... but doesnt the spirit of marriage say that it should be a jointly discussed and agreed upon change?
Otherwise, how is it fair to resent your husband to be sticking to roles which you have already established?

Not to mention... he's no whacky 30 year old... he's probably not going to change THAT much anyway in that department. It's possible in theory,, but lets be realistic... if you want to go out and do more things together... that is something that you control already. Maybe instead of trying to change him (in an area that is both incredibly difficult to change, and that you already have control in that area!), you might decide to accept it, and choose to be happy that if you say, "Dear, I'd like to go do ..... together", he'll probably say, "yes dear", and you'll get to do whatever you want.

Look at the flip side: be careful what you wish for, because if he starts getting more active and choosing activities... you may end up spending every week in a swamp going duck hunting! So be happy with what you already have been blessed with