Made a booboo this weekend. Went to the house to grab a few items. While there, straightened bed and turned on the outdoor light (getting late). Didn't have my cell, so didn't call W. She called me later and was angry, not at what I had done -- she expressed that she appreciated the thoughts behind what I did -- but at not telling her I was going over. Would have had no problem if I had just called and told her I was grabbing a few things. Apologized/validated because she was absolutely right and she accepted. Wiggled the tooth, so to speak, regarding her speaking to OM. She got quiet, I got scared, apologize wished her a good night and hung up. Enough of that. Please no 2 x 4s on that. Turned a positive interaction into a negative. I've a genius for that.
W dropped the girls off last night. I made lasagna. W made an inside joke about garlic and my lasagna then laughed because she knew I wanted to flip her off, but couldn't because of the girls. Good, positive exchange. No awkwardness or nervousness. First time she's made a joke about me in a while, so that was pretty cool
Anyway, just focusing on me from now on. She'll talk to him or she won't. She'll talk to me or she won't. Pretty much sucks, but there it is. If I don't give her space; I've no chance. Thing is, I think that, deep down, she sees changes but doesn't trust them and is still scared that I'll just hold OM over her head were we to reconcile. Rereading DR and have no plans on contacting W regarding anything this week (unless something happesn with the girls). Loving someone and not being able to show them how much you care about them has got to be just about the worst thing I've ever experienced.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Enough of that. Please no 2 x 4s on that. Turned a positive interaction into a negative. I've a genius for that.
Hmmmm tempting....But OK, no comments...
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
If I don't give her space; I've no chance. BD
I think you need to do something to remember this. Write it on a piece of paper & put it up on your bathroom mirror, wear a string around your wrist, make it your screensaver - just remember it!!!
It's always uppermost in my mind. Just seems that when I'm just talking to her, all of these fears and vulnerabilities and feelings bubble up and push what I know I should do aside. I'm much better than a month ago, but not as good as I should be.
Thanks for not swinging, feel stupid enough on my own.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Wiggled the tooth, so to speak, regarding her speaking to OM. She got quiet, I got scared, apologize wished her a good night and hung up. Enough of that. Please no 2 x 4s on that. Turned a positive interaction into a negative. I've a genius for that.
Maybe it will help you avoid this down the road to remind yourself that it almost certainly does a lot of harm to your cause to bring it up. LOTS OF HARM.
Also, accept that it will take a while for her to drop OM. Right now, she associates you with negatives. She associates him with positives. You have to realize what a herculean task it will be for her to cut him off completely, and to put herself fully back into an R with you, when your M is risky and requires a lot of hard work over a long time, while being with him is so easy, and she trusts him and feels good around him. Make sense?
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Woohoo, actually did something right. Trying to get bday invites for Casey's bday party. Long story short, having a hard time getting a class list. W calls, asked if I had one from last Thursday. Looked, said nope. She was starting to get a little frantic. Told her, before she could suggest it, I'll call the school and take care of it. Did so. Called her back and she gave me a real thank you.
One of her big complaints was that she had to take care of all of this stuff over the last few years. I'm starting to show her that I can shoulder my share of the load as well.
A little thing, but a step in the right direction.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Heim, that is good. I am sure that she was grateful for it.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
