I know it hurts, believe me, but you have to try to focus on other things. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can definitely relate as can many other on here.
As the saying goes, "It's not over until it's over" Things change and people change. We just have to hope they will change for the better, but prepare ourselves in case they don't.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon