Anyway, last night, CW called and S16 answered. I went about my business. After about a minute, he brought the phone to me. She knew I was leaving for a walk with S6. She said she needed to talk to me and did I want to do it now or later. She asked me:
It is her brothers anniversery next week, should she put my name on the card. Answer: Sure
Am I going to her nephews confirmation next Sunday Answer: No
Should she put my name on the card? Answer: No I want to send my own with a note.
Then she brought up S16 bringing his X-Box over on Thursday. I then lost it. She is going out of town with FFOM and I asked her where she was going. She said that a group of people are going up north and FFOM is one of them. She acts like it is no big deal, saying stuff like we are married on paper only blah blah blah. I then got a little judgemental and told her how I felt about it, expecting her to hang up on me. We went around and around for a bit and everytime I said, "Well I guess there is nothing to talk about", she would continue the conversation. One thing that she has brought up a lot lately, is how people view her. (more later)
I ended it when S6 came out to go for our walk. She told me that she wanted to finish the conversation and talk about churches. I told her I would call her later.
After we finished our walk, I called her and to see if she wanted to talk. I said I wanted to meet at a coffee shop to talk. She said she was in her pajamas already. I started to say okay we will do it some other time and she said that it would take her 15 minutes to get ready and drive to the shop.
We got there and I told her that I wanted to limit us to 45 minutes because I had to put kids to bed. She seemed surprised by this.
We talked for quite a while. She told me that I had no right to tell her that she shouldn't be going to church and taking communion. She said that it is between her and God. We shared a lot and I calmly told her how I felt and how I knew that I was wrong for some of the things I did, I even pulled Frank_D's line about why I did what I did.
CW told me that there are some days when she feels like she is going to fall off the eating disorder wagon. She also told me that there are times that she has though about suicide. I pushed her to get help, but she said that it isn't needed. I also went out on a limb at one point and told her that she abandoned her family.
She brought up the fact that people feel this is her fault and feel that she should have gone to marriage counseling. She tried to say that we did go to counselling. I agreed but told her that each of us going to individual counselling with differant C's doesn't count.
There were a lot of tears shed on her part. When we left, I gave her a hug. We talked for a few more minutes and I gave her another hug and a kiss on the cheek, which she didn't pull away from.
She called me at home a few minutes after I got home. She wanted to know if I meant she abandoned the house etc or me. I told her both, but specifically she abandoned me emotionally and then physically when she moved out. I thought that would spur a reaction from her and there was none, just silence. I said goodnight and hung up.
I am exhausted.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Seems like she is worried about what people think of her - a bit late to be thinking about that!!!
Try and get some rest. Do something to stop your head going round in circles; personally I find doing something like a fiendish SUDOKU takes up all my mental energy and stops me spinning for a while.
I am so sorry for your pain.
The joke was a bit rude - I can send you it if you want but you might not be in the mood. Up to you - your call!!! Even with my 'accent' I think you'll get it!!!!!
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
MC, I think you handled that well. You were able to get everything off your chest and let her know how you feel. I think we have to do that for our own sake. Most of the time it goes in one ear and out the other, but I think you got her to thinking.
Now is the time to go dark. You have to realize you can't change her. Just take care of yourself and the boys. Limit talk to only about the boys. Keep conversations short. Do not call her unless absolutely necessary, only about the boys. It sounds as if you have the boys most of the time so that shouldn't be a problem.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
One other thing that happened last night. She has told S16 that she has a "friend" nothing more than that. She also told me that she introduced S6 to FFOM because she was mad at me for ruining her plans for that night. I asked her why she didn't just say no when I asked her to watch him......
Yoyo- I have such a hard time with the dark thing, especially when I know she is hurting too. I am going to go as dark as I can though.
Man this hurts today. Her going away for a group weekend with him tells me it is really over.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I know it hurts, believe me, but you have to try to focus on other things. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can definitely relate as can many other on here.
As the saying goes, "It's not over until it's over" Things change and people change. We just have to hope they will change for the better, but prepare ourselves in case they don't.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
