Pretty sure if I force anything, even now its over.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
CVA - I think that you definitely need to do something about your current abode. I see a couple of options:
1.) You buy a new place like you had mentioned a couple of times in your posts. Comments: I think that if you do this, I think it is important that you discuss it with your wife and buy it with the intentions of it being a good investment/rental property that you can use in the interim. Like someone said above, you are still married, so technically even though you may think it is your money to do with as you please - your finances are still 50/50. I think when you approach the subject with the wife, start it with - "what do you think if..." and really allow her to have input. I think you will be able to feel it out from her as far as her reactions as to whether or not it is a good idea and if your concerns about detachment are legit.
2.) You find someplace better to rent. Comments: I/O buying a house - what about finding a nice house to rent? Explain to your wife how your 1 BR apt is really getting to you and that you want to look for someplace bigger and maybe someplace that the kids would enjoy to come over. This might be a nice balance b/t getting you what you need vs. the permanency of buying a place and setting yourself up to feel more removed from your wife/family.
3.) You move back in to your house. Comments: Have you approached this subject at all in the last few months? What if you explain to her how the 1BR apt is affecting you, that you realize that she still needs space to figure out what she needs, but you would like her to think about whether she could feel comfortable enough (knowing that you will fully respect her space & privacy) with you moving back into the house - maybe in the guest wing? From what you have said in your previous posts, I get the impression that your house is large enough to accomodate seperate living arrangements. Another option here would be to maybe make an apt. space in the basement or pool house etc. that would be an investment for your house but give you a place to be currently (seperate kitchenette type area etc.).
Whatever it ends up being - I think the most important thing is to discuss this with your wife and to make her feel important and to ultimately give her the decision making ability. From what I gather from following your sitch - she may feel sometimes powerless compared to you. One of the best things you can do is to setup situations in which you show her that you are allowing her to make important decisions.
I have nothing really to add here accept agreeing with all of the previous imput. Being the WAS I was the one who left because H took the "refuse to leave" approach and I was not about to get a court order to make things more difficult.
As S77 said, fully discuss all of these actions and consequences with your wife and see where it gets you. In the end the choice will be yours anyway. Either renting a house to get the kids to spend more time with you alone or buying something that will appreciate with time. I think the alone time with the kids is alos key to showing (not punishing) the other spouse in seeing what a real Sep or D will be like...visitation, shuffing kids around. Lots of spouses just don't see the real impact when the kids are staying put and LBS or WAS are just coming and going in & out of the marital home.
Even though your W is the WAS...she is getting some space, but IMO not enough to think things through. Right now your W is having the cake of being in house, having you around most of the time to help with the house & children and just not having a marital relationship with you. Kind of stalled out on that front. No indication of where things are going and if anything is going to change. I think you have a real place where you spend your time with the kids will be the boot in the pants that she needs to make up her mind. Either she is happy working on things with CVA or not. But this will def give her the time and space to figure out what she wants and needs. I don't think she is getting enough of that right now from the sounds of it.
***Alot didn't click for me until I was totally out of my house. Even though my H has a lot of issues I still miss the good times we had. It gives me something to keep the hope alive...even if he is out there dating and not wearing his wedding band or going to IC or MC. *** Maybe this is my wakeup call & 2'4?
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Even though your W is the WAS...she is getting some space, but IMO not enough to think things through. Right now your W is having the cake of being in house, having you around most of the time to help with the house & children and just not having a marital relationship with you. Kind of stalled out on that front. No indication of where things are going and if anything is going to change. I think you have a real place where you spend your time with the kids will be the boot in the pants that she needs to make up her mind. Either she is happy working on things with CVA or not. But this will def give her the time and space to figure out what she wants and needs. I don't think she is getting enough of that right now from the sounds of it.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I'm going to have to agree here. Maybe you getting a house and having the kids there will be a wake up call for her. Could you possibly rent something so if there is a reconciliation there's no house to sell?
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
