Here we go 'round in circles...

[SDFoundGirl]

Ok...so your LL isn't being met. Fair enough. Your tank is empty. And you feel unloved and used. Who wouldn't. You've expressed this to him and he has not responded. I do think that Jen is right that you really need to spell this out to him. We're guys, we're stupid. You need to be very blunt to him that if you LL is not met, you will be gone.

Thinking of you and you're doing a great job. Keep being good to yourself, be gentle to yourself. You're doing good by refocusing, etc, but if he isn't meeting your needs, IMHO, you need to point that out. Don't become that WAW w/o putting it all out on the table.

Thanks Jen, Julie & Scott!

Help me here. I have said, in MC, *twice* now exactly this:

"When I do not feel emotionally connected to you, I do not want to have sex. I want to withdraw. I need these things from you to feel loved:

1. Hugs & kisses at times other than the initiation of sex;
2. ILY's at times other than before bed or leaving in the morning;
3. Other physical contact like snuggling, giving me a backrub, putting your arm around me, caressing etc. also without initiating sex;
4. I like to be told I look nice when I'm dressed up.

I feel empty, unloved and unappreciated when you don't do these things because this is the way I feel love."

The second time I brought it up I also told him how I felt like what I wanted wasn't important to him, and that made it even worse because I *had* asked for what I wanted.

All I get are excuses...tired, forget, stressed, etc. An "I'll try." I am SICK of excuses. I WON'T live in a passionless marriage. I LOVE sex....lovelovelove it, and I cannot bring myself to be intimate with him at this point. He started groping me last night and it just about made me throw up...and he just kept pushing. I probably should have told him directly no, I don't want to, but I didn't feel like having that conversation when I just wanted to go to bed.

Scott, I agree with you that boys need to be knocked over the head with things, but I don't see how I can make it any plainer. Ideas on how to do that so that he'll understand?

We went for a walk today and he said he's useless without a piece of paper in front of him to remember things....and I thought about making an index card of the four requests I've made (and which are also hanging on our refrigerator) so he can use it as a crib sheet. I still may....

Anyway, thanks for the support. I'm doing okay. I went on two long walks today (one alone, one with H), and I've hardly eaten anything. I need to lose a few pounds I've gained back, so at least there's a nice little positive out of this!

Really, I'll be okay. I just don't know how much longer I have it in me to do this. I deserve a lot more.

SD