There and Back, #6

[LL44]

Oh man, morgan, how funny about the bread and muffins. I make banana bread and kids won't touch it. Put the same batter in muffin tins, and its gone in two days. Little stinkers.

Wonder what OW being out of town will do to your H? Only time will tell.

Eckerts. SIGH. Yep, that's where we have always gone, at least 4 times a year. I'll be going with the girls on my own.

[nephartiti]

Ok, guys. All this talk about apples. Now I have to take my kids too. We've gone before and it is a blast. Plus it will get us out of the city! It will have to wait til next Saturday, though, so S9 can come too.

Morgan, my bet is your H will be coming around to see if you're still in your spot in his circle. Don't count on it, but be prepared for if it does happen. How will you handle it if he starts grabbing at you again?

[SallyM]

I wonder if H wonders what OW will be doing while he's not with her, too. I know on some level he doesn't exactly trust her, or at least he didn't used to.

lwb, you will have such a good time with your girls. its not the same, but I'm finding that it can be a lot of fun with just me and the kids at times. we make our own adventures out of things. if you want to have others along, any chance your folks would want to come, or maybe a friend? whatever you do, just make sure you do it, don't let these things pass you by....it would be easy for me to do that, almost like waiting for H to join us, or want to join us, or because the memories are too painful. I remember my mom asking if the kids and I wanted to come to a sheep shearing festival not long after h moved out and I cringed...no way could I sit there and watch all those happy families, knowing how awful things were for mine. time has helped with that.

neph, I can't remember, whereabouts in CA are you? I don't remember ever apple picking in CA when I lived there.

I don't think H will come around like that again this week. I think he realizes that it was a mistake, too. I do have a plan, though, if he does, and that is to get the f out of dodge. I'm not going to let it happen, not until he is done with her. I can't. I was so cavaelier about things last time, thinking it wouldn't hurt my detachment, if anything maybe it would scratch and itch and possibly remind him that things on that front can be very good between us. but it backfired, I did end up more attached to him/less detached. I ended up hurt again. don't get me wrong, it felt damn good at the time, but I am far too invested in him to allow it to happen again.

[LL44]

I am sorry the whole ML thing threw you off so much. To be honest, I think it threw H off too (in a good way), but they aren't allowed to talk about it.

Yes, morgan, some things are just 'too family' for me to deal with lately. But other things are just fine. I notice the single moms now, I never noticed that before.

What's up for you guys today?

[mkultra]

I wish there was a recipe forum on this site I am so hungry after reading about apples. My tree is a Fuji and all the apples fall pre autumn. sad face.

Morgan, why doesn't he trust her? Is she dating others also? Have you considered being daring and asking your H to take you out for a date?

Re: Harry Met Sally, there is a scene I remember aftyer Sally has Gone Dark but she does snoop and asks her BFF if Harry is seeing anyone. Carrie Fischer replies, "Someone young, big tits, long legs, your basic nightmare." She cracks me up!!!

I also love the scene where Harry has a divorce trigger with the dishes his BFF are unpacking and starting a new romance. Harry has a divorce melt down. Oh god, it was so awful when he had to see the OM while doing karaoke! That wold kill me to see them arm in arm together!

[SallyM]

its so funny, every time someone refers to ML I have ask myself, wtf is that??? seriously. because that sure as hell doesn't describe what H and I did. no love involved...just lust, need, and poor judgement.

mk, I make a killer apple bread if you want the recipe. will try to turn it into muffins tonight, should be the same, maybe bake it a bit shorter.

I think you really have the wrong idea about H and my relationship. he has no interest in having a relationship with me at all...I'm the mother of his kids, and it all stops there. he's made it very clear, the only fuzzy part is when he got a bit randy, and when he thought I was seeing someone else. he gets a little bent out of shape about that one, but he has also straight out told me that he would love for me to be involved with someone else, and that he doesn't want me to be in love with him anymore. he would, however, like me to continue baking for him, to be snarky and funny to him, to be an occasional f-buddy for him...but no more.

I have asked him to take me out on a date, btw...he said he didn't want to. ouch. this was back when we were supposedly trying to work things out. even when we first separated, before he fully went back to her, he kept asking how he was supposed to grow closer to me not living with me, and I told him flat out, ask me out on a date. he snorted and said no, no interest in doing that. ouch. trust me, right now, he isn't thinking date. he's with her, that's all there is to it. he just misses his kids. and, like I said before, if he could photoshop me out of his life, and put her in my place, all would be right with his world. his sadness stems from missing his kids and feeling displaced out of his home, it has nothing to do with me.

as for when harry met sally, this was my first time seeing it (I only saw a bit of it) since the bomb. omg, I get it on a whole new level, particularly his pain. I never understood why he was upset about the karioke thing...he's with a good looking woman having a great time, what's to worry about? but now I get it. I do. and his ex is a smug bitch, with that look of pity on her face like H gives me from time to time. excuse me while I go throw up.

blech.

well, hope everyone is having a good day. we went to the farm and got pumpkins and gourds and such, I did the grocery run...H called the kids while I was gone, so we are both probably breathing a sigh of relief that I wasn't around. mil is still here playing with the kids, so I'm doing my own thing for a bit.

[SallyM]

mk, forgot to answer you about the trust issues with ow. back in june when H moved back in, begged for that second chance and such, we had a long talk. It was a good talk, really open, and I shared some stuff I was learning...shared the circle theory my therapist uses, talked to him about co-dependent relationships and how they don't satisfy in the long run, etc, etc. He got quiet, seemed to really get it, and actually said to me that he thinks she is pretty messed up and isn't sure that he can trust her.

now, that said, a lot of water is under the bridge since that talk (june 3), so maybe he feels differently. but really, I'm making this about her, and its about him...he may or may not choose her for life, but the reality is that no matter what, he just doesn't choose me.

[SallyM]

ended up running to the mall with my MIL this afternoon. she works p/t at a dept store there and they were having a huge discount for employees, so figured I'd look for some new boots, a new coat, some other stuff. big ol' nothing...couldn't find anything I loved, or else they were out of my size. hate that. really annoying, actually, in the shoe dept. they have a new system, I think designed to compete with the nordstrom that is coming soon. HA! I'm from the west coast, folks, I know nordstrom, and you, pathetic store that you are, are no nordstrom.

capped off the night with dinner at the rainforest. can someone pass me the razor? seriously, this particular rainforest cafe is second only to my local costco on a sunday for the 7th circle of hell competition.

still, overall a good weekend. did some thinking (what's new) and I think I'm really starting to see how unhappy h was for a long time. things are starting to stick out in my mind. I wish I had noticed these things then, or that he would have talked to me about them instead of just bailing, but again, cementing in my mind just how far gone he is. he's been gone for a long time now, actually.

ah, well, its good, these realizations. they help me to re-think some things, to look at them thru new eyes. getting that birds eye view my therapist is always talking about.

gonna raise my freak flag here...anyone else fired up for the new Ken Burns show on ww2 tonight? anyone? just me? yeah, figured. normally something H would watch with me, but hey, not gonna let that slow me down....going to curl up on the couch and just take it easy the rest of the night. have a feeling I'm going to be reminded again and again just how good I have it right now.

[LL44]

morgan, sorry about the shopping bust, but you'll find some nice things soon enough. Still looking for some good boots? What height do you want? I found some killer Tommy black boots on Black Friday at 4am, regularly $299, got them for $29.

Enjoy your night of television. For the moment, don't be lonely, enjoy your quiet house, your sleeping kids, and no eggshells around.

PS: I wish I had seen H's unhappiness sooner. We aren't perfect though, and I can imagine your H is as vocal as mine about their actual feelings.

[SallyM]

wow, killer deal, lwb! granted, I'd pay the $299 just to not have to go out on black friday. *shudder* I love a bargain, my sisters live for black friday, but it scares the you-know-what out of me. lol. I'd like some full length boots for my denim pencil skirt, and would like some other shorter length ones for jeans and such. you would think these would be easy things to find. not so...at least not the size I need.

I am enjoying my night. its quiet, but I'm okay. the show is good. taking a break because bataan is on and I get way too upset by it. weird, there is so much upsetting about ww2, but bataan always kills me for some reason.

hope you are doing okay, lwb. off to check your thread, did you see that movie?