my crazy mess

[Gone Dancin']

hey christa!

I'm actually curious as to why the DB coach felt YOU need to pull back and not contact him, when in fact you were the WAS? Granted, you've kind of switched roles with your H, but it seems like the WAS needs to approach things differently to some extent when they are the ones that want to come back.

I don't know, at this point I can see you making either move with equal consequences (positive or negative). However, I'd like to know what reasoning the DB coach used in justifying his/her suggestion to LRT.

Have an awesome trip to Ireland! I'm so jealous of you!!! Get lip-walking, watermelon-crawling drunk for me, please! Isn't that, like, a custom over there, or something?

GD

[christarn]

Gd...She feels I'm in a rut...he's not really pulling any weight, making an occasional effort (which I see as a plus) but we don't really go on what she would call dates....I usually go over to our old place hang out cook dinner have cocktails and you know where that leads...so her theory is he is not having to work to keep me around, i just am "his beck and call" she thinks he lacks in self respect/confidence (which I agree, no job, drinks a lot etc.) and by treating me this way, he is in some form punishing me...which in turn is making me feel not so great. I don't know like I said in a prev. post I feel stuck between a rock and hard place...if I pull back, will I loose what little and I repeat little trust he may have gained back in me, and if I don't I stay in this rut...where he continues to think it's ok to live the way we are living (he sees me when he wants and also is dating and living the typical single man bachelor lifestyle)....I don't know my dancing man...so confused here. any good suggestions??

As for Ireland...you bet your buck I will get slobberin azz drunk for the both of us....I'm going with 11 members of my family my dad's side is from over there...can't wait to see my heritage. I hope to find more of myself over there too! If that makes some type of sense! Take care of you...chat soon!! Thanks for the reply!

[thegoodfight]

I don't know, I hate to against what a experience DB coach says. Maybe the rules are different and it is important to try and generate a reaction, either good or bad.

It makes sense to some degree, I have been a good roomate to my W. I do my fair share of chores, sometimes more and sometimes she does more. She know feels very comfortable, best she has in 7 months. She indicated yesterday, that it is a testmenant to what good friends we are. I agreed, she also informed me she has decided to start doing things on her own. She doesn't know when but she wants to start. I was also told yet again, getting tired of this talk, how her loving feelings are gone, and she rehashed how I made her feel.

So my point is maybe the DB coaches perspective is to the former LBS use the potty or get out the bathroom. Given the situation I think I can understand it.

[christarn]

Just arrived home from the Emerald isle...way cool...I would highly reccommend it as a vacationing spot if anyone out there is looking for somewhere awesome to check out. I wish my life at home were as good...but oh well. I did go against the DB's advice and call the H twice...I just couldn't do it....I thought a ton about my sitch while I was there....like being on vacation without him just plain sucks! But I found other ways to distract my time...we visited the cliffs of Moher...way beautiful...God really makes you feel small there! And we went whale watching...I saw a 60 foot long whale...and about 60 dolphins...awesome! We also went to the Jameson whiskey distillery...fabulous...and one more ireland hotspot Waterford Crystal....all in all my family kept me hopping...which is just what I needed. We spent the last 3 days in Dublin which was just down right crazy. We had cocktails in Bono and Edge's bar the Clarence one vodka (grey goose) was 13 euro which equivilates to about 16 american dollars....CRAZY!! oh and budweiser 6 packs were 14 euro...just insane...the cost of living there is insanely expensive....anywho...that's my ireland update...hope all is well with everyone

[christarn]

PS GD...I got drunk enough for both of us....don't worry and at 3 am when the bars shut down it's so crazy the irish sing all the way home....it's the funniest thing you will ever hear in your life !!!

[Gone Dancin']

christa,

sounds like an awesome trip! Again, I'm jealous! The 3 a.m. singing sounds hilarious though -- I would've loved to have experienced that!

As far as contacting the H twice goes, how did it seem to go? Do you think you made wise choices or not, and why/why not? I was kind of split on the whole idea, myself, so I'm interested in your reflection regarding the outcome of your decision.

Hope you're doing well as you get back into the routine of everyday life again. Take care!

GD

[christarn]

GD...he was receptive, I don't regret it...it is what it is...however, I did text him when I arrived back at the airport and still have not heard anything, which is way frustrating to me...so again I'm back to limbo land. I am still up in the air as to what to do, back off totally, or keep going. I agree with some previous advice that since I walked I need to be trying to work even harder to make this work...so he will see that I'm committed...but that doesn't seem to work either. Part of me just wants to say, it's been 9 months, you either want me in your life, or you don't...but then part of me isn't ready to make that type of commitment either...back to life as usual isn't all it's cracked up to be!

[thegoodfight]

Yes I am interested how did the conversations go, what was his attitude when you returned? Glad to hear you had a nice Vacation.

[christarn]

When I talked to the H, while in Ireland, he was just straight down the middle...he told me had gotten the shingles while I was gone...his MD told him he was over stressed. I told him I was sorry, he said there was nothing I could have done. We did not talk long either time. He wasn't mad, or overly eager to chat. He didn't extend himself. But also was not rude either. He was happy to hear that I was having a good time. When I returned, I text him to let him know I was back....no response....today I text and just said whats up...3 hours later...he said he was sleeping as he is working night shift tonight. I did not reply...now I think after these responses I maybe should start pulling back some...Like I said, my frustration with the sitch is getting in the way of my patience!
thanks for checkin in on my guys....way appreciated...and much needed! christa

[christarn]

I think I may have made a huge goof up....I was way frustrated the other day and sent the H a text saying we needed to make some decisions....he never text back....I way regret it....I had talked to one of my friends who just kept saying how can you live like you're living...and thought about it and sent the dang text. I feel bad for doing it because I know that put a lot of pressure on him and probably pushed him the wrong way. It was just a bad day...and like I said in a previous post my frustration is way gettin in the way of my patience right now. My DB coach had also said that I needed to back off, which is way difficult for me....I watched the thread NDDT posted about living life to fullest...it just made me think a ton about what I'm doing. The speaker said if you wait long enough people will surprise you....I wonder if I wait long enough if my H will come around....it's a scary thought! But then I think of what I did,and how I left. I guess only time will tell. Just a little venting this morning!