H just wrote me an apology letter. Very nice one too, wish I could copy it over here, but I have only a hard copy.

He addresses his 100% responsibility for the A’s, his self loathing, forgiveness, my yellow folder of “evidence”. Says that if it takes a 1000 days or more of hearing my pain, then he will accept that and listen with empathy and understanding.

He assures me that he and OW have not been in contact (this, I believe). He says that he does not miss or long for her. He thanks me for helping him see through the fantasy and for not asking me to leave his life.

He also agrees to work towards some short term goals to help alleviate my anxieties. He’s offered to put the funds from the severance package into my private savings account as extra proof that he doesn’t intend to “take off” with it.

This, however, may not be doable as we need funds going into the checking account in order to pay or mortgage and bills. Still, a nice offer.

He is still considering private counselling, was hoping to leaf through some books on fear and avoidance at Chapters the other day, but none were in stock.

He vows never to be (several ugly descriptors) again. Admits that he’s lied not only to me, but also to himself. He is on a mission to regain his self-respect and be a better person…to become the kind of man I can love, respect and trust.

I immediately went into the living room (he was still on his laptop), hugged him and thanked him for the letter, saying that it means so much to me.

But I still feel kind of numb . I want so much to believe it all, I suppose it will take consistent action to help me feel that it is all for real.

Head still hurts, still feeling low.

Shiny