Just went through all this with my XH. Divorce became final last Tuesday. He has not seen our kids since last May, son is 11, daughter 13. He has told anyone that will listen that I have turned the kids against him, and that they won't talk to him. He calls once or twice a week tells them he might do something on the weekend with them, then doesn't follow through. Months of that has left my kids not wanting anything to do with him. But he gets more sympathy making it look like I am the one who ruined his relationship with them, not him.
My X-MIL hasn't seen the kids in years, she is 100% behind my XH, and so is the rest of his family. Which makes me wonder what it looks like from the other side of a MLCer. How do family and friends support someone who causes so much damage? Are they blind, or do they become brainwashed? He has become a master manipulator, and from what I can tell, any energy he used to put into our M he has now put into convincing friends and family how miserable he was, and how horrible I am. It will be interesting to see if he comes out of this how, or if, he turns them around again.
I am coming up on the two year mark of the A, but I believe he has been in MLC for almost four years. He started to come out last year, but when his X-OW became pregnant, he ran way back into the tunnel. He is very petty with money and other things just like your H. He tells me I am the "spoiler" since I ruined his R with OW, never mind the way she spoiled my M. He is a very bitter man right now.
One positive thing I will tell you, the divorce is not that bad. I fought it tooth and nail, and am glad that I did, but there is a certain relief when you are finally free from it all. The power is back in my hands, and my XH can no long control me with the D or the OW. He is free, but so am I, I don't think he likes that side of it.
I agree with you about not finding forgiveness until he realizes the hurt he has caused. Right now the most I have gotten from him was an "I'm sorry for any pain you have been experiencing," nothing about him being sorry for being the one who caused that pain. But that is out of my control, and something he will have to come to on his own. I know forgiveness is for us not them, but I still can't bring myself to do it right now.
Your H may not be praising you for succeeding through this, but you have done well, and do deserve to feel proud of yourself for the way you have handled things. This can be a learning experience for all of us, as horrible as the experience has been, it is possible to come out the other end better than you were before. He may even reach that point one day.
