SB, Thank you to you and your H for stopping by my thread. I really am thankful for your H's POV on yesterday's events. I hope I can join you here on piecing someday soon.
Thanks again for the inspiration!!
mal (aka Cindy -- the toad feels safe at home with me )
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
No wonder your so empathetic! Thanks for the bump earlier.
My W and I are in a lot of pain, but she is considering posting in the infidelity forum. Perhaps from one shrink to another, you two could meet. I know she is devastated about what she has done and is fearful of losing her ability to practice. I know hearing from your H help me some.
I am very happy to haer things are going better for you. You have worked very hard and it is nice to see such positive results. Keep going! Be well.
SB - (and everyone else) - a firend of mine who came to me for advice has finally joined the boards over on newcomers. His thread is: Help with WAW, no kids
I'd appreciate any input people could give him. Thanks! Ellie
Sorry for my relative absence . Still feeling rather low. Some of it is physical (foot, kidney, ovaries, carpal-tunnel like hand pains, stress rash) but some of it is emotional too.
Had a dream yesterday morning in which I miss the bus to go for a much needed Doctor’s appointment. So I start jogging up the street and overtake a man driving a buggy with a pair of horses. I’m impressed with myself for running faster than they, but “I know I won’t be able to keep up this pace for long”. Geez, I wonder what that could mean?
I tried to get to bed early last night (midnight is early for me), but my mind wouldn’t shut off. Engaged in some anxiety-driven nail clicking (a version of biting, but far less destructive to the nice long nails I now sport).
I woke today to yet another hang up. Our caller ID shows an area code for the province where OW lives. H didn’t recognize the number. We used his old phone card to dial the #, but got a fast busy signal. H thinks she’s probably using a phone card herself which ID’s as a generic local number from where you’re calling.
It wasn’t uplifting to know that there are 275 minutes still left on this phone card (which I’ve had since she last called, H gave it to me). That means each one has at least 300 minutes, maybe more, and this was at least his third one.
I’m feeling, for my own sake (agitation is popping up more and more, dealing rather well with it, however) we need to start setting (on paper) some short term goals. Mentioned this to H the other night, and got a kind of nod/shrug in return.
So nothing drastic, just a little dip on the rollercoaster, I wish it would start to climb, starting to feel like a bit of a plateau.
Hope there’s some uplifting news out there for me to catch up on today!!
He hasn't actually joined us yet, Cal. But he did post to Sadbuthopeful back on Friday.
I'm not exactly sure why I'm a little wary of inviting him on. Still fallout from all the "flirting" accusations, and wondering how he'll take our candidness.
H just wrote me an apology letter. Very nice one too, wish I could copy it over here, but I have only a hard copy.
He addresses his 100% responsibility for the A’s, his self loathing, forgiveness, my yellow folder of “evidence”. Says that if it takes a 1000 days or more of hearing my pain, then he will accept that and listen with empathy and understanding.
He assures me that he and OW have not been in contact (this, I believe). He says that he does not miss or long for her. He thanks me for helping him see through the fantasy and for not asking me to leave his life.
He also agrees to work towards some short term goals to help alleviate my anxieties. He’s offered to put the funds from the severance package into my private savings account as extra proof that he doesn’t intend to “take off” with it.
This, however, may not be doable as we need funds going into the checking account in order to pay or mortgage and bills. Still, a nice offer.
He is still considering private counselling, was hoping to leaf through some books on fear and avoidance at Chapters the other day, but none were in stock.
He vows never to be (several ugly descriptors) again. Admits that he’s lied not only to me, but also to himself. He is on a mission to regain his self-respect and be a better person…to become the kind of man I can love, respect and trust.
I immediately went into the living room (he was still on his laptop), hugged him and thanked him for the letter, saying that it means so much to me.
But I still feel kind of numb . I want so much to believe it all, I suppose it will take consistent action to help me feel that it is all for real.
SB, that letter is so great - your H's post on SBH's thread is full of so much emotion and understanding. Give the guy a chance! Have you worked on the KLA tape series at all? I would highly suggest it for the two of you.
Ceb and I were able to write down our goals and ideas about the R and I think it really helped the both of us commit to the R even more. Maybe you two need a really great together-time for a couple of days - how about a small getaway to a nice hotel for a night or two, just the two of you?
) 
. (The post, I mean! 
)
. I want so much to believe it all, I suppose it will take consistent action to help me feel that it is all for real.