I don't feel it is my place to forgive H for not contacting his sons, H first has to forgive himself, but I don't feel he is anywhere near realising that he has acted in a way that requires forgiveness. H has hurt our sons but I really don't think he realises that he has, he hasn't got to that point, I'm not sure he ever will.
Our sons will be able to forgive, they have good hearts, but only if H ever works hard enough to gain their trust again, I'm just not sure if H wants them in his life enough to sacrifice some of the things that stand between now.
Son 18 has moved away to college and H has missed out on this life changing experience.
I am so proud of our sons, they have shown maturity and stregth though all of this. They love H but realise that they just can't help the situation he has chosen to get himself into.
I maybe able to forgive H if he ever recognised the hurt he has caused.
H had an A 10 years ago, no lessons were learn't, apart from I recognised straight away that he was displaying identical behaviour, only this time he has shown no remorse, there seems to be no guilt, it just feels as though he is entitled to everything. He has even convinced the MIL that this is the case. When he nearly cleared the house out as he left MIL told me, he has only taken his own belongings, excuse me he took half the furniture, ok so he brought it with him 20 years ago but I didn't realise it had name tags on it.
He continues to work and appear 'normal' to the outside world, people tell me he seems to be enjoying himself, he's been seen out socialising.
H tells MIL that he tries to contact our sons but they don't answer the phone, this is a total lie but she believes him and then she shifts the blame over to lads, at 1st this used to upset them now they just laugh.
The past 10 months have been the most difficult months of my life, I feel it has been a battle to hang on to everything, but we are getting there, hopefully I will be able to keep the family home, but I guess that depends how the court decides we should split. The asset splitting is a complex situation and due to H being non directive it has had to be taken through the court, H wanted a simple payout but wouldn't come up with a figure so hence the court date.
H has been heard to say I'm being awkward, I guess this is because his new life and spending has been interupted by the costly legal fees, he hasn't paid any maintainance but is in debt, he earns a very good salary. I earn enough to pay the bills and enjoy life so I'm ok with this, I just get pi*sed off when he questioned my expediture via the lawyer, cheeky basket case.
I don't know if any of our mutual friends have seen through him yet, none of them have keptin touch so I guess they are not the mutual friends I thought they were, but it may just be that H is a very convincing, confident man & he has probably told them a very convinceing tale. I haven't told my story to the general public, just my very close friends, this board and my immediate family,even then I have never cursed H. I did send MIL a 2 page letter at Easter, expressing my frustration at her taking the word of her son and being critical of her only grandchildren, this has resulted in her not speaking to me since, but I am glad I sent it, there were some home truths in that letter that needed saying, the whole family have wanted it saying for years, it didn't change anything but at least we now know that she is incapable of change.
This long journey has been very educational, I have learnt to value the simple things in life, I have learnt that my friends are so valuable, I already knew how much my family loved me, all this has made this journey easier.
I haven't posted in a very long time, but I have read daily, this board has given me the insight into MLC, posters have helped me come to terms with changes to our life that H's choices inflicted on us.
I think H maybe disapointed to see me succeed through all of this, I really do feel that he is angry with me because I have managed without him. I don't feel any praise coming from his direction, his silence has been cutting and wounding, but the wounds are beginning to heal, they don't hurt anymore, just itch a little now and again. I do feel that H's no contact is his way of feeling in charge, I feel he has deep issues with control, he once said I was controling at MC 10 years ago, although he did say later that I was far from controling, this time he said he had to leave because of my intense jealousy, umm he was having an affair with a D'ee neighbour who had 2 young children, which he denied for months, but eventually addmitted this to his mum, but told his mum it wasn't serious and didn't mean anything. ( so glad I wasn't the OW ), the A was over within 6 months of him leaving, this is why I question MLC, I wonder if H's A was simply an exit affair, and that he did just walk away, this is why I have named my thread.
I'm not ready to date, I have a lot more strength to gain on my own before I meet anyone else, I do not want to enter another relationship until I feel 100% settled with the fact that H is no longer playing an active part in my life, i'm not quite there yet. I do have an active life and I have my family and friends to thank for that, they have stuck with me through thick and thin, sick and sin.
I do not know if H has another OW, non of us know anything about his life other than where he works, we don't have a contact address, everything is sent via the lawyer, MIL knows his address, but hasn't disclosed it to our sons, I really do not understand this behaviour.
so there it is a shortened version of the past 2 years, but long enough for the DB board.
