I spoke way too much at the C session yesterday. Lots came out (mostly out of my mouth, C had to tap my foot with hers to shut me up while H was speaking ).
Of course we hadn’t seen her since before OW called again and all of the events of the last week, so she had quite an earful. (I did let H explain about the “black mail” angle…he wanted me to carry on, but I asked him to tell her about that).
She also felt that his suggestion that my dbing somehow "enabled" his A to continue was unfair. (He's really regretting saying that now).
I broke down in tears when she told me that his A's had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. Not to minimize the damage I'd done to our R in the past, only that what H DID with his pain was HIS decision.
I brought up what I need to get past this accumulation of betrayals and lies: reassurances, apologies, (once or twice, is not enough!), affirmation of how great I’ve been about all of this….and what DOESN’T help: jealous (and unfounded) accusations directed at me!
H said that one of the reasons he asked me to cut down on the bb was because when he hears the keys click-clacking it reminds him of what HE did on-line. And he also thinks I’m painting a negatively biased picture of him here.
BTW, the "scuffle" is the most “physical” H has ever been with me, and completely out of character for him. C attributed both of our “crazy” behaviour of late to the rampant emotions. Something we’ll look back on and shake our heads over. So please don’t worry that I’m in any kind of physical danger!
I know a solution is to have him come aboard, but I’m still too raw for that. I was almost there a couple of weeks ago…but now? I just don’t know. He doesn't like the idea of blow-by-blow coverage of what goes on, but that's pretty much what we do here, am I wrong?
C told H that he’d have to “just sit” with his feelings, as for now, this bb is my only source of support (no friends or family involved this time!). I felt relieved that she took this stance, but sorry for H at the same time.
H was in tears, overwhelmed, I just felt crummy afterwards.
I didn’t journal or bb last night, just didn’t have the heart. H sat in the dark in the living room. I asked if there was anything I could do or say to help him feel better, but he said no. Not even a hug! (I suppose not bbing helped in some small way? ).
We did share an ILY and hug before bed .
His mood seems improved some today. He was reading “After the Affair” when I got home . He’s out getting some items for a dinner I’m cooking later. I suppose we’ll have some QT tonight.
BTW, someone suggested I turn off the T.V. and make QT (in response to my reaction to Celebrity Survivor)…good point. However it’s H’s love language that is QT. I’ve been going the extra mile to make these happen (check out all the nights spent listening to tunes and sipping wine). And at that time…I guess I just had too much pent up negative emotion festering…I’ll try harder in the future!
Don’t quite know what else to say.
So I guess I’ll try to catch up with a few of your sitches.
Wow S.B. Read your recent sitch. New here. Best of luck to you and your H. Roller coaster is an apt description of what you are going through. ((((E-HUG)))) for you and him. Try to share it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. IF IT'S WORTH DOIN'G. IT,S WORTH DOIN'G IT RIGHT
Had a very nice evening with H last night. (Wine, music, dancing) I think reading through and posting on Sad’s thread gave H a better idea of just what the bb is all about.
Quote: BTW, the "scuffle" is the most “physical” H has ever been with me, and completely out of character for him. C attributed both of our “crazy” behaviour of late to the rampant emotions. Something we’ll look back on and shake our heads over. So please don’t worry that I’m in any kind of physical danger!
Glad to hear physical was not a problem.
Quote: H sat in the dark in the living room. I asked if there was anything I could do or say to help him feel better, but he said no. Not even a hug!
1. Sound like cave time via Mars/Venus 2. I sat here and put myself in your hubbys place on the couch, my LL is also QT, but as I sat there, and you had you sat down besides me and just took my hand(no words), my first reaction would be to flinch, then a little bit of trembling, then probably starting crying, just knowing you were there for me. You would have gotten the tightest hug in your life along with the most sincere apology you have ever received from me.
Man this is gut wreching stuff, just my gut feelings.
Happy to hear things are well. Will talk directly to both you and H. Honeymoons do not last forever! What does last, is memories of, cherish them. They make life worthwhile. Try to find the good in each other, remember what brought you together. Mr. S.B. saw your post, cant really comment , but feel your pain. Best luck to you both HARD WORK IS IT'S OWN REWARD ?
Wow! I think you are exactly right about how H would have responded had I just silently reached out...(I did have my hand lighly on his knee when I made my request, however)...really insightful of you, Poe!.
Point taken, sometimes I let words do too much of the talking for me. H's other Love Language, he tells me, is Physical Touch. (Which, frankly, amazes me given how much of that he has denied to me over our marriage, but perhaps that was unconscious payback for my sarcasm and such? ).
H is out buying a caller ID box for our phone. We've been having a great number of hangups the past 10 days (our phone machine is always on).
On Friday, he had me pick up the phone before the machine clicked on, just in case it was one of my silly students (some of them are too scared to leave a message) but whoever was on the other line (geez, I wonder who??? ) just listened to me say hello 2X and hung up in my ear.
We had a quiet Saturday night. Hit a late show (Shanghai Knights...funny ). I actually went out to our multiplex on a Saturday Night with ZERO makeup on . Now ladies, let me tell you, 5 years ago this NEVER would have happened. I have very pale skin and inhereted dark pigmentation under my eyes. At the very least I put on a little cover stick under the eyes.
But I just felt so comfy, didn't feel like having to put in the effort (Now, I'm no Diva, my whole make-up routine takes about 10 minutes) or wash up again after just sitting in a dark theatre.
So off I went, and was actually recognized by a student from last year. Guess I don't look THAT horrible sans makeup!
Oh yes, someone asked a few posts back, erinr I think, I teach 1st, 2nd and 3rd...not grades though, years...University...Psychology no less!
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New here. Best of luck to you and your H. Roller coaster is an apt description of what you are going through. 
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. IF IT'S WORTH DOIN'G. IT,S WORTH DOIN'G IT RIGHT 
). I actually went out to our multiplex on a Saturday Night with ZERO makeup on