new here and really worried

[littlebitlost]

Hello....
I guess I will start by saying that I am the WAW here. I walked away from a wonderful man and a beautiful house..(built just over a year ago) I have two children, 2 and 4. My situation is prob very different from most here.
I have known myu husband for about 16 years and was dating and married to him for the last 7. I was very dependent on him and his personality was one of a caretaker. I do have some health issues that I have only just started dealing with in the last 4 months (and when I say dealing with I mean, emotionally in terms of acceptance)
I am 34 and only just got my lisence a little over a year ago. I have always been dependent on him for everything. We went EVERYWHERE together and even worked nights at the same bar (both also have full time day jobs) Guess my point is that we were attached at the hip. He is an extremely loving man who was devoted to me and would have done anything for me.

I got my lisence just over a year ago and thats when it all started to fall apart. I got a taste of independence that i have never had before and then I wanted more.

I started to pull away a bit and do things on my own. When I started to do this my H started to pull harder to be with me. He would call me all day long, text, I started to really feel smothered. I felt frustrated and angry and like I needed to get away. I analyzed things and realized taht I did not appreciate anything I had (excpet of course my children) I took all I had in my world for granted and was aware of it.

I told my H that I did not know what exactly was wrong with me and that I felt I was not 'in love' anymore. I can only imagine now how hurtful that was for him. I think that I truly was just confused. He started to read all kinds of self help books and requested that I go to counsellng, which I refused. Guess where I am now EVERY thursday? Yep but on my own.

I moved out of the house and into an apartment down the street. I needed to know that I could be alone. I have never lived by myself...I have never had to wake myself up. SOmeone always did it for me from parents to siblings to roommates to husband.

I should inserthere that H visits another site (sure you all know it) and so from January until now he has made some major changes. He has lost over 100 lbs (and looks great!) has stop being a pursuer and recognizes he has issues and has dealt with them through C and the posting board and self reflection.

Our home sold 3 weeks ago (as he could not afford to keep it without my salary to help) and he has now bought a smaller house for himself.

I did alot of reflecting as I said and am in counselling and realized what I had was exactly what I wanted. I thought long and hard and now have an appreciation for what I left. I have learned alot about gratitude and wanting what you have and working on it. I have been out for almost 6 months myself now.

I did tell him that I was soooo sorry for the pain I put him through but that I really wanted to work on things. He told me that I am not ready and that I have alot of things I need to work through. He then directed me to the Board he had used. It was of great use to me though some problems have arisen as he was a member there first so my story was already known...granted from his point of view.

I want to point out taht he tried for a very long time to make us work. He did everything right..he stopped pursuing, he distanced, he detached.

Problem is now I REALLY want us to work toward reconcilliation and now I am being told that he is not in love and that he still has work to do on himself before he can even entertain the thought. I have gotten the 'things take time' and he has not closed the door....he does not know nor pretend to know what the future holds but he is not going back to a R where he spends all his time trying to amke me happy.

I dont wnat our old relationship back either. I want us to build something new with all the things we have learned about ourselves respectively.

I am working on detaching myself now. I should also point out that we have not talked of divorce and noone has a lawyer.

We have never fought and have talked about a friendship but he seems unable to trust me even there.

I will point out that there is a female that he is 'friends' with and took on a week long vacation with him to myrtle beach in august. He says there is nothing there other than she being a really good friend for him to talk to but I am very uncomfortable with their friendship. They seem to be together alot. My children hang out at her place with her kids and he on a weekly basis.

I have gotten alot of great advice fromt he other board and I guess I was wondering if this place has all the same philosophies as there or if I could be doing something different. It is also hard to post there as h eis capable of reading what is going on as he ist still a member. Any input from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

Ihave never in my life wanted anything more than myh marriage (excpet of course my kids