Yes, saffie, in the end, THEY are the fools. We just temporarily feel this way. I was mortified for awhile that I was such a 'bad wife' that my H cheated on me. With time, this feeling is fading, and my strong self is coming back.
I am lucky in that my H did cut off from OW immediately he knew our M was not done. I still hate OW so much tho'. If ever the opportunity arises for me to get my own back on her some how I like to think I would rise above the temptation - but truth be told, if I could guarantee it wouldn't come back and bite me, I would probably go for it. I am so sad aren't I?
Nothing like a woman scorned though!!!!!
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Yes, your H ended it immediately. That's what made me feel any worse. *I* knew about it, and he still contacted her. Granted physical contact ended actually weeks before he confessed, but the phone calls alone were enough to make me feel like a mack daddy loser. We should have been a united front once this blew up.
I think in my sitch tho' I was very lucky that H obviously did feel very guilty about what he had done even before I knew. Also, the fact that he told me when he was ready meant that he was happy with the pace of things - he sort of had it under control before I knew about it. We did have a mad week when I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I am sure in hindsight (ain't hindsight wonderful?),that he knew what was going to happen, (apart from my suicide attempts), and he was just getting off on the being fought over and wanted by two women. That does actually make me really mad when I think about it!!!
Even if the A had broken up the M he would never have stayed with her - he openly acknowledges that but can't understand why that makes me even madder. Why do something that did so much damage but meant so little to him?
I really don't understand sometimes!!
Anyways, am going to see my horse for a while now.
Back later Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
And yes, having 2 women want them?? GRRRRRR.... Basically H had a wife and a girlfriend, why would they want to end that? He ended physical contact pretty quickly, saying how wrong it was to OW, but still didn't tell me, and continued to bring our kids together and contact her daily. Ohh I am burning up now too.
Saffie, I have no definitive knowledge that the OM's W is in the know about the A.
But looking at the telephone records, OM called W from their residence quite frequently and regularly up until about mid-July - that is when the calls from their home pretty much ceased and then it it was only cell phone calls after that. I believe that indicates that the OM's W forced him out of the house or he walked out. Either way, I believe they are now separated -- so I would also guess she knows about the A, but maybe he left her in the dark about that.
I am continually tempted to contact OM's W, to see what she knows. But then I understand that action might make it difficult for her to get her own marriage back together, assuming she's trying to. (For all I know, she might be having an A of her own. Who knows?) I don't want to be involved in triggering actions that might end someone else's marriage (it's bad enough I contributed to my own marital problems), but the lack of knowledge is getting to me.
I know I look like the fool in my situation. The W certainly treats me that way sometimes.
I know the MIL has known about the A (and she even supports it, for her own selfish reasons.).
And I am pretty sure W's girlfriends at her workplace know about the A as well. How could they not? OM works with all of them as their co-worker. They all share their experiences with each other. If W and OM have been spending a lot of intimate time with each other, the others could not help but notice.
I know W paints a pretty unflattering picture of me with all of them. So I know I have been the fool in their eyes.
I am beginning to wonder if some of my neighbors are also recognizing what a fool I am being played for. The H of one neighbor has given me the impression he believes we are separated because he thinks I am the one who has been cheating. But his W seems to be recognizing that my W is up to something. I say nothing except by my W's current playbook, "We're separated, but we're trying to work things out." (yeah, sure -- whatever that means.)
It's all part of DB'ing, I suppose -- not rocking the boat. W's rationale for the pretense is so I don't burn the bridges behind her, i.e., to make it impossible for her to return. She claims it's the same reason she hates that I went ahead and talked to my mother and my brothers' families about my sitch.
But as for going along with her plans to keep up appearances, you can play "nice" only so far before you reach the point where you want/need to upset the apple cart. I goes against my nature to be playing these games, especially when it seems more for W's sole benefit than anything else.
For now, I continue to ask myself, whenever the resentment begins to build up, "Is this the hill I want to die upon?"
Lord help me, but I may get to the point where I just don't care if it becomes my last stand or not.
It started with H bringing me my wedding ring that he had just cleaned and polished. THis is something he's never done in our entire lives together. ODD
Then, I'm chit-chatting with this guy (married, a couple years older than me) at church. He thinks he's all that but he's kind of a pain. Anyway, he tells me how great I look today.. blah blah blah...whatever. We continue talking about taking kids to a pool and he makes some comment about how he's sure I'd look great in a bikini. Is it just me or is that kind of a weird thing for this cat to say to me in church???
THEN, we have a huge dinner party at our house and my FIL practically mauls me after having a couple of totties. YUCK!
The highlight of the day was when my SIL told me how beautiful I am... how she loves my new hair cut and I'm so skinny.. LOVE HER! She is so sweet.
I must just have some strange aura all around me today. That's all...
