You have to decide what is comfortable for you. Put you first now and not him. I thought it was a good comment about this is not a hotel. I think it will confuse the kid's even more if he is coming and going.
Now to me this is what I think I would do if I were in your shoes. You don't have to follow my advice LOL. But I guess if my husband is leaving me then I am thinking this is a LRT. I am also thinking that my husband has this neat little secret all tucked away and is in severe denial. Maybe doesn't even realize that he throwing everything away. For him to come and go, he just feels like he is on top of the world. He can come and go now and see OW all he wants to. He is having a hard time sneaking around now that OW's husband calls and informs about things. You also know his times he leaves. So have been able to compare. So now he wants to cake walk and be out on his own but only when he wants to. Seems to me he is calling all the shots right now. That's where boundaries and showing self respect for yourself come in. So I would....
Tell him We really need to sit down and talk please. Because with you moving out there is things that HAVE to be done. I want to let you know that I am going to inform my work as I am required to do so when you move out. I also think it may be beneficial to tell them that you are having an affair because I am afraid of violence happening because you are messing with someone's husband and riding outside his very door. My children are going to be involved in this and I need to make sure they are protected and that someone knows of the dangers you are putting them by being with the OW right with my little children. They are being thrown into a potential hostile situation.
Now that you have decided to leave your family there has to be boundaries. I am left to try and explain this to the children and try to help them understand things. You can't just come and go as you like. If you are leaving and need your space then do that. But it confuses the kid's to see daddy here one day, then maybe gone for 3 then back one or two. Kid's need stability and learn morals from their parents. This isn't a hotel and I don't want to confuse the kid's more. I am sure you wouldn't want to tell the kid's you had an affair and left us for that expecially since they are so young. So what should we sit down and tell them? To try and help them understand what is going on? Also what should we tell the church and our family? They will notice that we are seperated and may want to know what happened?
I would tell my husband that I loved him and wanted things to work. That I had my boundaries that couldn't be crossed if he wants to work on things with me.That I have more respect for myself then to be a door mat to him any longer. I would ask him to put himself in my shoes and just at least think about if he would do things any different.
LWB,
I guess for me I would be hoping that if my husband made this decision I would want for him to realize the consequences. Not have him cake walk. Have a family one day and it be normal. Then the next he is single guy out on the loose with no worries at all and free to maybe even find someone else. Who would ever want to wake up from that situation. I would also worry my own husband would lose respect for me if I acted like a door mat and didn't stand up for myself.
I am so sorry this is happening. I know it has to be hard. I was wondering about the work and hours and things like that. Because that to happened with my husband and I on opposite schedules. We started growing apart pretty heavy.
