Saffie, Am tring to keep PMA up. Some days are good, some not so good. My W baterley talks to at all! She will not even help enforce visitation. Since my kids are older, the courts are not going to be of much help. She began alienting me form the children about six months before she left.
I get to to see the children about 5 hours a week and I have Joint Custody. W told me it was my problem I needed to work out scheduling with the kids. She does not want to be bothered with it.
I talked to her for 2 minutes tonight about scheduling time with the kids (I work second shift). I made the critical error of asking her if we could sit down at a resturant, have a soda adn talk through a few things. She said no. I asked her if it was because it was me that was asking (she has been dating other men). She said no, it's because we are getting a divorce.
I am going to join some groups in the area and meet new people. Will continue to work on PMA. Tommorow I will go to church and spend alot of time praying that she will reconsider. I am not going to ask her out again, because I do not need the rejection. I am getting used to her not being around, and she was miserable to live with the last year she was in the house....I'm sure I was not much fun either.
I keep thinking, what was it that attracted her to me. I think I had a sense of humor at the time. She has just left a very abusive relationship and I am sure she welcomed being appreciated having a new man interested in her. I, also, think she thought I was going to save from her troubles and provide an great living for her, so she could stay home and raise kids. I did meet her expectaions of "the perfect marriage". So she fighured if i hwas unable to provide it after 25 years, she would just leave and be happy the rest of her life. Once she drops people out her life, it is a done deal. I saw her do it to her first husband, her father, and her sister.
Our communicatiion skills were terrible and that set off a string of affairs early in our marriage. I was the guilty party. I saw how bad I hurt her and will never let that happen in any relationship I am involved in.
I am beginning to make friends with some of the females I worked with years ago. They retrun my calls and we laugh about old time and memories. That feels good.
So, I am trying to GAL, but I really want my wife and family back. Not because I need her...because I want to be with her. I want to have her and the kids back home.
My T told me that she is gone and is not coming back. Also, told me that my W was very shrewd and I needed to protect my interests. I have to do that while I am still praying that she will come back home.
I do not send flowers, gifts, or bug her about the divorce (anymore). She has had seven months of "time alone". She does not need any more space. Maybe it is best if I just do not not talk to her at all. But then how will she see my PMA work and all the other DB stuff? She even gets mad when I buy the kinds new shoes, because she wants to show them that they do not need Dad's help (other that child support).
