My 2 cents: dating opens up an entirely new set of problems. You're already making her jealous, she's already getting the 'losing you' vibe. Just keep heading the direction you are heading. Friendly dates can easily become emotional involvements (how many As start over work lunches?).
Then again, I do know someone whose separation ended when his W discovered his blossoming R with a co-worker. It brought her right back home, but I don't know that he'd recommend going this route--the R really muddied his feelings about piecing.
I guess I'm a bit more liberal on this because I have always gone out to lunch with male co-workers, vendors, etc. I wouldn't consider it dating at all. Maybe I'm naive.
Sooo, is dating ok? Not right now. Is meeting up with a "friend" here and there ok? Probably. If you can trust yourself to keep it platonic. Certainly seeing the same person over and over for lunch is getting on that "slippery slope" that Shirley Glass talks about.
There's that fine line you just can't cross. And, personally, I am now "hyper-aware" (I think I just made that word up) of crossing that line.
Well if I were to tell you that "dating" wasn't effective, I'd be lying. SventheRed starting dating (dinner, etc) and it got his wife thinking.
But with dating, comes the inevitable question. Why are you dating?
1. To get her jealous/thinking she'll lose you?
Ok..might work. But you are using someone else. And..you are really doing something in reaction to you wife.
2. To feel good about yourself?
MC...we've discussed this. You have several women flirting with you and showing interest. I think both you and your wife realize you are a hot item at the moment.
3. To move on with your life?
Is moving on dependent on having a significant other? Isn't that what DB is all about, fighting the dependency of needing a relationship to be complete?
4. Because you are lonely?
OK..how about good friendships with men and married couples?
5. Because you are horny?
Well. 'Nuff said. Does that make it right?
From a purely moral perspective, I think flirting a bit and reminding yourself that you've "got game" is good for your ego. It won't hurt your chances of reconciling.
And I think that you already know that several women have sent you signals.
Dating muddies the waters.
It depends on what your goal is.
You have a moral right to divorce your wife, date and remarry. I think you probably want to go in that order.
On the other hand, what if Ms. Right came along? Would she give you the impetus to stop Divorce Busting and file for Divorce yourself? Dunno.
I'm also speaking from my own personal frustration.'
For me the answer is clear, don't date till you are divorced. This is a legacy you can offer your sons as a man of integrity.
Yet I feel the way you do. I miss being wanted and needed. I like feeling attractive to someone.
And in theory, though I would tell you I wouldn't date till I was divorced, I know I would flirt. Of course Ms. right could come along and give me reason to completely give up DB. But how would you know she was Ms. Right if you didn't date?
No, I still disagree with some of your assumotions. Like the idea that if you go out with another woman you are using that woman. How, you buy her lunch or coffee or whatever, and you have a pleasant converstaion. That's not using a person. That's social interaction. If as a result your wife is jealous, that's a bonus side effect. But I am making the assumption that you would enjoy the time spent with another human being just for what it is. You and I could go out, talk, laugh, I'm sure you would shine in my eyes. If your wife or her friend saw it they would jump to a conclusion. That doesn't make it what they think it is. But it's not for show. It's real, and it's not using another person.
I agree with Theo on this one. You have to do what feels right for you and I get the feeling for both mc and Theo, Theo's order of things is the one that they would feel most morally comfortable with. I am not saying it is right for everyone but from the way they post it seems right for them.
By the way I am Ms. Wright!!!!! I am always right - even the left half of me.LOL
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
If you ask my daughter what she wants to be, she always says, "I want to be right." And it's true she does. If she is wrong about anything she gets very angry. Like it matters.
