SB -- SORRY I wasn't around yesterday afternoon to respond to your post! I'm really sorry to hear about the fight you guys had -- sure sounds like a doozy -- but happy to hear that you guys are using it aas a big step forward to straighten this thing out.
First off, let me say that I thought I was your valentine!!! You mean you asked a bunch of other people on the boards, too???? Harumph. Mr. SB, please know that I'm a hetero woman working hard on my marriage -- I'm only interested in your W. if she gives me candy next year for V-day!!!
In all seriousness, I sometimes think it's hard for our Ses to understand that despite their betrayals (and particularly when so many of them are via the internet) that we could come to a place, share intimate details and NOT be looking to score. But, guess what, we're not...and anyone who takes the time to REALLY read through a bunch of posts will wade through the humor and find pain, acceptance, support, all the things that make this a darned special place.
As for the fight, SB, I think if you printed out your description of it, you would find fodder for plenty of "areas of growth" (or sources of 180s) for you. I don't mean that in a harsh way -- I just mean that I think the fight brought out some pretty startling extremes and if you scale those back a bit and assume that some of those behaviors are areas to work on (the sarcasm, the defensiveness, etc) you'll be in good shape. Please note that I'm not suggesting that you print it out for H. to read so he can change his behaviors....he's got stuff to work on too!!! But, I think he needs to get there with your support but really, on his own.
I'm sort of curious and confused about his request that you stay off of the boards....I never got the sense that you were ignoring him as a result so (when you get back) what do you think the "payoff" of that request is????
I'm sending you (platonic ) hugs and lots of support. You done good, girl, again and again. Now, get back to DB'ing!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You mean you asked a bunch of other people on the boards, too???? Harumph. Mr. SB, please know that I'm a hetero woman working hard on my marriage -- I'm only interested in your W. if she gives me candy next year for V-day!!!
out your description of it, you would find fodder for plenty of "areas of growth" (or sources of 180s) for you. I don't mean that in a harsh way -- I just mean that I think the fight brought out some pretty startling extremes and if you scale those back a bit and assume that some of those behaviors are areas to work on (the sarcasm, the defensiveness, etc) you'll be in good shape. Please note that I'm not suggesting that you print it out for H. to read so he can change his behaviors....he's got stuff to work on too!!! But, I think he needs to get there with your support but really, on his own.
) hugs and lots of support. You done good, girl, again and again. Now, get back to DB'ing!
