I think H was 'gone' for so long (in his own crisis) he might be afraid to 100% commit to anything.
Hmm...been thinking about this... I think this is true. He has said this almost exactly as you have. When we argue I will sometimes clam up and not say anything - I have found that this prevents an escalation in the argument - BUT the side effect of that is that H feels rejected/shut out/put off. He views this as me completely rejecting him. He in his mind/heart assumed that I didn't want him at all - which led to him starting a relationship with another woman - led to us in this ugliness. So, yes. I think you are right. It is also why I am so thankful for Retrouvaille. It has given me tools to express myself more appropriately to him. I still have tons of work to do!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
