Hi fellow DB’ers. I’ve posted a few times about my situation. I’m in a Catch 22. I’ve read DB and have changed and am doing some 180’s. The wife has moved out so we don’t interact much at the married level. She’s filed separation docs but has given notice that if I change a reconciliation could happen.
Problem is that she still works at our business and it is the main source of conflict. Any communication is an opportunity for her to unwind, go over the past, criticize and blame. I apologize, don’t get angry, listen but I have to move forward with decisions in the business with her or without. And I can’t do right. If she left the biz, I could replace her immediately, but it is such a part of her life, she won’t let go and has threatened that I should “clean out the rest of my things at the house” if that happens. Plus, she owns half the business and has threatened to put the kyboshes on the bank accounts, thus strangling our business capital needs if she is out. I am left having to deal with a completely irrational, hurt and hyper sensitive woman.
My GAL activities have helped, but my 180 Activities are limited as are my Giving Space abilities. If I don’t tell her what is going on at the biz, I am being disrespectful. If I tell her what is going on, she finds fault and accuses me of making bad decisions, dragging up past transgressions. She is totally depressed and any communication with her is very difficult. I am keeping upbeat as well as possible.
I am in a Catch 22 of what seems like epic proportions. I can’t use the DB tools that I know would work. Do I sever the business relationship and pay the consequences? Do I work painfully work through trying to include her in the biz which she desperately wants but is emotionally incapable of handling, hoping that she will eventually make the decision to leave or read the DB in time to make her own 180’s? Do I recommend the book? (I shudder at her reaction).
There was never any precipitating event to cause our parting, just accumulated business and decision making stresses. I work at the office, and her from home, part of the problem.
