Oh SB, what a horrible night! I'm so sorry this is happening. I definitely agree with a lot of what Calystra had to say. I was wondering myself why you were worried about him seeing the bb. To be honest, I leave this up all the time in the hopes that my H would ask about it or even read some people's threads to know that there is support out there. You have nothing to hide. Not on your thread or on anyone else's. You're sweet, insightful, helpful and a great pick-me-up to a lot of people. That comes across so clearly to those of us on the bb's and we've never even met you!

It sounds like a whole lot of projection was going on last night. He was being paranoid about the bb's and your e-mail because that is where he failed in your marriage. You were being defensive and extremely territorial and acting as if you had something to hide. Surely you noticed that when you brought out the duct tape, things calmed down dramatically. As for a convo about thongs, My H probably wouldn't be too thrilled about that either if he didn't know the context of the messages and the R with the people involved. There is no way that you can find that out in one evening of looking around here. It can takes days/weeks to pick up some of the crazy subtelties around here!

You did learn a good lesson, though. Always read the bb's before you hand over a letter like you did. The tone was so angry. I'm sure that made him immediately defensive and you became the tool that he used to vent his anger.

I do agree that his behavior seemed a little scary. I don't like the idea of things becoming physical in any way . That's not cool. Please tell me that things don't escalate that far on a regular basis!

Where to go from here? I'm clueless. Hopefully you can have a nice quiet reconciliation and some apologies today. Then get back on the db'ing road. Maybe a session with a phone counselor would help you both.

I'm going to church soon (Ash Wednesday) and I'll say a special prayer for you today. I hope tonight will be much better! I don't know what grades you teach, but in my former life, I was Junior High and they are brutal when they know you're having a bad day! Hopefully they took some pity on their poor teach and were nice to you.

Chin up, do something nice for yourself after work and post soon to let us know how you are.

Erin

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." -George Bernard Shaw