There and Back, #6

[SallyM]

I like your version, better, mk. unfortunately, yeah, I do picture them in an idealized way (idealized for them, for me, well, hey, it would be different). need to remind myself its not all sunshine and roses. just feels that way sometimes.

I know I need to do something. I need to feel sexy/pretty/fun again. I had a great time last weekend, felt pretty, had a blast, all was good. now I'm back to feeling frumpy.

yeah, D makes those wishes still, so do my sons, but right now she is the worst. they all really miss their daddy so much, and really wish that he would come back home. they don't usually talk about this stuff with him, because he's not receptive to it, and makes that obvious. but I am their safe harbor, so they do with me. do you think your D has stopped with the wishes, or stopped telling you about them? very sweet of your neighbor, btw.

you have given me something to think about, mk. what is my happy ending? hmmm. it seems to change, depending on my mood. my therapist wants me to do the "at the end of your life, look back, what do you want to see there" thing. should work on that, too.

am I waiting for prince charming? I don't know. I know I do believe in happily ever after. and I guess there is a part of me that secretly wishes prince charming would come along and sweep me off my feet and make everything wonderful. I'm romantic and miss romance in my life. I miss sex (yeah, I know, god knows I have let everyone here know that), but I also miss the little things...holding hands, and evening walks, and pillow talk. I miss having someone care for me. you have written before about how your h should be protective of you. I miss that...I miss having a protector. someone I can trust, who would be that knight in shining armour if needed. and I miss taking care of a man, too.

so maybe there is a part of me that wishes for prince charming. but I guess there is also a part of me that is really understanding that I need to stand on my own, I need to trust in myself, and to be all I need in life. and honestly I'm getting more and more comfortable being on my own, for the most part.

there was a gilmore girls ep on recently where lorelai is talking to luke and she's saying how much she likes being single in some ways...she likes that she doesn't have to fight anyone for the remote, and she can do this or that without answering to anyone. I'm understanding the good in that more and more. but then she went on to say that it would be nice to have someone there to pick up the slack, to lean on when things got tough, to share life's burdens with, along with the joys. and that, well, that is me.

wow, I'm getting wordy tonight. will stop because I'm not sure if I'm making sense.