You are moving into such a great place I'm so happy about that.
Looks like you are becoming open to date! That's GREAT!
As far as gf goes. I admire how you handled that situation. How beautiful you are for not putting her down -very difficult.
You know, as far as him being "nice" to her? Safe people treat everyone the same. It just goes to show that he isn't a nice person and he's still putting on a show for her because he has to. Once he unleashes the real him...well...You know she may have some power now in motivating him to pay for the dog etc. But who wants to have to use power to get your SO to behave in a humane way?
You're going to get a GOOD man. One that treats people well because he wants to and that's who he is, not because he's afraid he might lose you if he doesn't. And you're going to get that because that is who you are. Like attracts like. That which is like unto itself is drawn.
You and I are moving into much better lives, Nic.
I think that's great that your daughter got to see this pleasant interaction between you and gf because I know there were a lot of concerns there before.
Nic I just read your last post, wow. I can not believe that you have been doing this for that long. I can not imagine the roller coaster ride you have been on. I must give you credit for hanging on this long. My W walked out in June with the same script as everyone else. I am just starting to venture back out into the world of being "single" if you want to call it that. I certainly know how you feel about wanting someone to share things with, I miss that as well, problem was in our marriage W's LL was QT and mine PT. she and I never got that until it was tool late. I just thank god that I have my girls and our R has grown so much stronger since all this happen.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
I'm not new here but, I don't post much because I get so caught up in reading everybody elses sitch.
Today I got on here for the first time in months. I saw your sitch and read from the begining....Wow!
Sometimes we don't understand why we are made to bear such pain. Why it seems to go on forever. Why they (WAS's) get to enjoy their lives so much...etc. Or why their wrong seems to get them just what they wanted, and what we want too! Someone to love and love us back. Someone to share walks, talks, laughter and all the things you mentioned you miss so much.
You said you were having a "blue day" so was I. I have pretty much the same thing going on in my life. I was crying, and lonely and couldn't get the thought out of my mind, that my stbx is all happy with his stb-wife! That they travel, and buy new toys, and go out to dine in really nice restaurants. And I just seem to struggle along alone having to be strong for my kids.
But know this, today you helped someone else.....me! The unjustice,and unfairness of what your H has done and the way you have handled it has helped me very much. I can honestly say I feel your pain. Not that it makes it better for you, but sometimes God lets us see that were not so alone. It really does suck!!!! But nothing..nothing lasts forever, and neither will this pain and suffering last forever. The sun will shine again. My thanks goes out to "Always"!! great post. Advice that I needed to hear as well.
I know you are hurting and I'm very sorry, because I wouldn't wish this on anybody, least of all someone that sounds as great as you!
Take care, God Bless you, and thanks for making me feel a little less alone in this misery.
But then I realized that what I was really sad about had nothing to do with him: I'm lonely. I want to be with someone too. I'm tired of being alone. I was alone in my marriage for years before H left, and now it's been two years of S. I've GAL'd; I have friends; I have my work...but I want someone to hold me in his arms (my LL is PT), to laugh with me, to tell my secrets to. Well, you know what I mean.
That's exactly how I feel.
I understand the response that mkutra gave to you as well but I'm not sure I can personally reconcile standing whilst dating. Surely that just means a third person eventually gets hurt as well?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
You handled that so beautifully last night, I hope you can hold onto that comfort. So many of us are really having blue spells right now, I'm wondering if there is some larger cosmic force at work!
IMO you were very generous about OW, and that is probably safest for your own peace of mind. OTOH as others have posted, she is pursuing her own interests at the cost of a wife and children.
Take care nic and keep posting. I hope this weekend goes well.
I haven't posted to you before, but I'm with Hopeful2 - your strength inspires the rest of us.
You're obviously one classy lady and good things will be coming to you.
In4ride Me 50, H 55, M 17 yrs 1st Bomb Drop 12/7/03 Separated mostly in house Come back together/H breaks back 9/04 Piecing, surgeries, recovery, H retires 2nd Bomb Drop 9/3/07 H moves out 20 min later
Well, I've had a pretty good day - took a nap after my lack of sleep last night, which helped.
I am going to eat dinner, and then I'm taking the kids to see the Chinese lanterns at the botanical gardens, when it gets dark. We do it every year, and it is great!
It's so nice to see so many people on my thread!
Mkultra - thanks for posting. I guess you're not familiar with my sitch: I'm not standing anymore; I do not want my H back. He would pretty much have to become a totally different person for that to change, so I think the D is a done deal...and I'm good with that. You're right about the victim thing - I do try to stay away from that.
Whitelight - Thanks for your ongoing support. You're right that a good person doesn't change depending on who he's talking to. I'm pleasant to H, and I get sh*t in return - that's just not right.
As for dating, I have not been dating per se, but I've joined a Meet Up group, and we go out together. I have met quite a few men in a non-pressuring environment. I can talk to someone for, say half an hour, and if I'm not interested, I can move on. It's been a great way to meet new people. I will also just talk to men in cafe's and stuff - it's not really a problem for me to talk to people. So far, I haven't met anyone I want to pursue anything with. Well, except a guy at work that I've had a crush on for a while, but I was too messed up to act on it before. We'll see what happens there.
I am definitely ready for something (someone!) new. But I wouldn't date if I were still standing, as it would just muddy the water for me.
Hopeful - Thanks for this! I really didn't think that post would help anyone, but I'm glad it did. I'm not sure if you've actually read my WHOLE story, since I must have about 40 threads by now, and I'm sure you have a life, lol! I'm really sorry that you're going through this, too. A better life is waiting for us.
Alison, AH, Not, In4R - Thanks for taking the time to post.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I think that's great that your daughter got to see this pleasant interaction between you and gf because I know there were a lot of concerns there before.
I want to share this with you.
This morning, my D told me that she had a nightmare about me falling in love and she was furious at me, in the dream! We had a really good talk, and I told her it was normal for her to feel ambivalent about daddy and me finding other partners. I said it's normal to want to see us happy, but to also feel sad b/c we're not getting back together. I asked her if that's how she felt about H and his gf, and she said yes and started to cry. I told her that it's okay to feel like that, and that if things had gone the way H and I had wanted, we would all still be together (I almost choked on that one, but it's probably true). But in any case, we are still a family, just a different one. And it's okay for her to like the gf; she doesn't have to love her.
I just held her for a while, and she calmed down. I'm really glad we had that talk b/c it gave me a chance to talk with her about something important to her and to show her that I won't fall apart talking about H and gf.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
[quote=whitelight] I said it's normal to want to see us happy, but to also feel sad b/c we're not getting back together. I asked her if that's how she felt about H and his gf, and she said yes and started to cry. I told her that it's okay to feel like that, and that if things had gone the way H and I had wanted, we would all still be together (I almost choked on that one, but it's probably true). But in any case, we are still a family, just a different one. And it's okay for her to like the gf; she doesn't have to love her.
That was amazing. You could give lessons. I hope I can pull off something even half that loving and classy when I get the courage to really talk to S14.
You are just awesome!!! Not that that is news to anyone here but I just wanted to tell you!!!
Love lots, Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
