I'm in the same sitch, too. I think in my case OW is thinking/ hoping he'll leave me for her. I wonder if they've talked about having a life together.
I know H thought about moving out - actually after I suggested it. The first thing he did? Called OW and she ran out and got a paper to find an apartment! I'm sure she was in her glory. But then I told him to stay. (Didn't want to throw him out in an angry moment.)
I know he told her early on that "I didn't want him" so like you he was telling her how cold and uncaring I was. But he is still here - and so am I.
But now I'm trying to R, and apparently neither of them understand why. So I think for her it is competition on some level. I'm thinking she's behaving like a small child that has a toy taken away from them, and has a hissy fit about it when it wasn't even their toy to begin with!
She also calls him when she's stoned drunk, apparently demanding to know what he is going to do, etc. She even called one night (1:30 am) pissed off because she thought we were probably having sex. That floored me - excuse me but I am his WIFE.
So, she is definitely jealous. I keep thinking, go ahead, honey, put on the pressure, keep making your demands, he's going to get tired of that. Let him see what a "nice" person you are and how it would be to live with you. I'm just going to go on being exactly the opposite!
So I think OW is hanging on to the fantasy, trying hard not to give up the addiction. Thinking, it was so good, he will never give me up, not when it was ‘so bad' with his wife. But if it so was bad, how come he's not gone? If it was so good with her, how come he hasn't left me to shack up with her? (I'm sure OW is surely thinking about that, too) Hmmmm....
