You handled that confrontation really well but try to shake the "victim" role. You are too powerful for that. Well, actually we are the victims in our sitches but we can let on that we are out of control of our sitches. That is neediness and passive aggressiveness. As Bjork says, "Declare Independence. Don't let them do that to you. Raise your own flag!" Don't complain about him. He wants to be with the person who reflects what he wants to see. MLCers think it will be easier to start over, but soon enough they will fall back into the same patterns. Agree with what he says, and act like, "Yes, he is a great catch. We all love him very much." Now that would stroke his ego and make her jealous of you!!!!
Re: OW-I also truly believe my H's OW is a sweet, quiet but dumb person. Why else would my mixed up H choose her? There must be something special enough to make a person leave his integrity, reputation, family, devoted wife, family approval, unless they thought this new person was at least nice. Nice means jack squat. Anyone can be nice. That is not integrity. Good people do not establish relationships in front of people they are married to. Nor do they plan to wed until at least some time after the divorce. Especially with kids involved. No.
Re: Dating. You need to date ASAP according to Homer and his book STOP YOUR Divorce. I have contemplated doing this myself. Easier said than done when we have one track mind-being loyal to our vows and divorce busting, but DATING does bust divorces-counts as GAL, is a total 180, and shows the WS that the LBS respects herself enough to know that the world is filled with men who are available and cool and interesting and more importantly respect the LBS!
Nic- I also feel the day you survived is one many of us will have to go through sooner or later. You are a beacon of light showing us all how to weather it with grace and class. That is such a beautiful thing. No pleading, no crying, just a joke in the corner store. That is amazing. Soon the eggshells will be gone for you and you can exhale and just live and enjoy yourself again!
My Dad- My dad actually hid his second and third marriages, both of them! My mom could have written DR! She used the same tactics and I know my Dad has always wanted to come back especially after she GAL and started dating others. My parents will always be attached through the kids, history, and now grandkids. I know they still love each other but my dad thinks it is easier to keep starting over with new people, to get that feeling again I guess. He totally left that second wife which he engaged in secret. That was not integrity and his kids will never respect him. We respect our mom for always being there and not letting our dad use her as a doormat. Your H did what he did because he was being cowardly.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
