I Need Help! Please!!! Sorry Really Long...

[theotherhalf]

Thanks LIN. (How ironic the OW name is Lynn)

I feel the same way and it kills me. To have always believed, and still do, that fate brought H and I together. That everyone, including myself, have always believed that H and I would be together forever. That what God had put together no man or woman would ever put usunder. To now except the fact that TnT is no more nor will ever be, is to give up on all my hopes, dreams, and beliefs. I really don't know if I can do that.

What you said about finding yourself. I think that in the last couple of years I was doing that. I too have learned the joys of the outdoors. I called them the "simple pleasures of life". I love to feed the birds and watch them. I have feeders and houses all over my yard. I have planted so many flowers and trees here since we moved into this place. This was my life outside the "family". And I paint too. Since April the feeders are empty, the weeds over took, no garden, no new plants, etc...

I wonder sometimes if me starting to find myself kind of took a toll on our M. That maybe somehow H seen me doing this and it led him to go insearch of him. That in the process of me working on me, I neglected H. That he felt as if I was leaving him. Do I feel guilty about this? No. Could I have done it differently? Maybe, but I really tried to include H in what I was enjoying, in "my" life. I am sorry that H may have felt left out, because he really wasn't.

Today I am trying to do more of "me" things. I have filled a couple feeders with seed from the basement. I want to fill the others but seed is expensive and don't want to spend the money. I have gotten my paints out and have dabbled a little. I think I may go to a craft show today, just to look around.

Your post made me cry today. Not because I was sad really, just that it is hard to look at the truth sometimes. Especially when the work is so overwhelming. Thanks LIN