I too feel uncomfortable in this role of "Mother" or "Parole officer" that H has basically foisted on me.
If you recall, I insisted on him NOT passwording our entire computer (8 days ago...seems sooo much longer), because I DID NOT want "trust" based on restricting his activities. I wrote him a detailed letter to that effect.
I see exactly what you are all writing about. First, DarkBlue, the changes I have made in my behaviour are pretty profound.
You see, I was never a "checker", never questioned his travel, work hours, on-line time. I was a very naive and trusting person. I thought we were very open with each other.
As for the sarcasm and anger etc. that has dropped greatly (according to H on a few occasions, it's dropped 100%!). I really don't feel those urges the way I used to any more. And when I do, I can pause and realize that I'm slipping (this is rare).
As for the controllingness....I guess it used to be an issue with things like: how things were cleaned, where we went, not letting him have a proper say when arguing, turning arguments back around onto him if he grew angry (which was rare). That kind of thing.
I've made great strides in these areas. I think H might attest to that too.
So these recent events are rather odd. I think what you say is right (Sage, Floyd, everyone) in that on some level H WANTS me to check on him, that he has placed that burden on my shoulders.
And you know what? I DON"T WANT IT.
I think I'm going to print out some of this thread to help me organize my thoughts and perhaps write a letter or speak directly to H about this issue.
You're right, HE has to take responsibility for his own actions.
