Guys what happened here? I've just read this thread and I'm sitting here confused, shaking my head, wondering if the world has gone topsy turvey while I slept.
There must be some sub-text going on?
You are all a whole lot more grown up than what's being demonstrated here and I just don't get it.
You guys have supported each other through some of the toughest times in your lives and now you are turning on each other? Come on.
Buck up little campers. The world is a sad enough place without creating drama where there doesn't need to be any.
With respect, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Hey- I am just sending out hugs to all- I love this board and the people on it- Lissie has been very supportive of me and so have alot of others here- I am sorry for Lissie to have to go through any of this- I hate that we all have to go through this.
So just hugs and prayers to all
((((lissie)))
Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Every now and then a thread becomes the focus of a lot emotion from all sides. Sometimes I like to just jump right in the middle of all that emotion and roll around in it's positive energy.
Sometimes the energy is not so positive and we are all left feeling like we need to go wash up.
Sometimes when a thread seems to go wrong, I see names from other forums who have not been regular posters. However, they may have been reading along for some time and felt it finally time to speak out. The space here is certainly free and open for that.
I would encourage those that have resisted posting up until the point that it just looks like "piling on", to reconsider. Please be very sure what is bothering you so your comments are not misunderstood. There has seemed to be some confusion behind a few comments. And perhaps some people who don't know fig or Lissie that well are trying to catch up to their situation based on recent brief posts. That can be misleading at times.
For example, in posting, I am always interested in their briefs, among other things. But, I also understand the suffering we have all experienced and the growth we are all going through. I respect almost everyone on these forums for what they are being forced to endure. Of course there are always a few rare exceptions. That, I regret. But things are what they are.
So my point may be that I wish everyone the best, and wish everyone shared that wish for the others on these forums. Best wishes do sometimes come shaped like a 2x4. We all know that. We understand and accept, or share them openly. What we may not all know, is what forces someone to take a time out from the forums every now and then.
They may need time to heal. They may need to limit their words during tough legal times. Or they may need to give someone else some space for a while. I think we can all recall at least one of these "time outs". I am very familiar with "time out" thanks to Lissie ... and her closet full of wonderful shoes.
There is something to be said for letting go. We have all had to let go of so much in our own personal journey, we should all try to apply that new found skill here.
Understanding is a blessing. We should all try a little harder to bless each other with a little more understanding. I mean this regardless of what we may think of another person's post. May we all be blessed a little more for the rest of our life, starting today.
And Lissie, the light burned out in the "time out" closet and I am starting to get kinda scared of some of these shoes ... can you help a guy out?
I, for one, am going to put all of you "up on a pedestal". ALL OF YOU!!!!
We all have screwed up in our lives and we will screw up again. The one thing we all have in common is that we were not going to go quietly into the cold, dark night. We are standing for our marriages!! Do you know how freaking rare that is. In days of old, everyone would be on our side and say "of course, you assume responsibility and take care of your children first". Now we all hear, people fall out of love, people change, and all the other crap excuses. We are ridiculed for standing and treated like lepers. I have been told over and over again that I need a life regardless of how it makes my children feel. WHAT??? That is totally screwed up thought processes. So much for what the world thinks is the right thing to do. The world was the influential reason our spouses tripped into some psychedelic new life without family and responsibility.
Do I really put anyone up on a pedestal? No. I will say some are quite impressive and have helped me so much.
This is a place where we can be magnificent. We can be bold, we can be perfect or we can open up our hearts and be real. Being real is what is magnificent, i.e. admitting when we make mistakes and willing to change in order to be the people we are supposed to be.
Lis, you are my friend, my little sis and I hope that when you have had a chance to gather your thoughts and Javier can give you some peace you can come back, post and share your love with us(javier, dude, if you can read this "WAKE UP" man and beg, plead, crawl back on cut glass and get Lis back. You will never be happy without her. You need to grow up, become a man and admit you have not been acting like a man. We will forgive you for what you have done if you do right by Lis -- God loves you anyway, even if you don't). Please do not stay away from her permanently. And, I respectfully disagree with another poster here. You do not owe us anything. You have already done much but we would be much better if you can come back. But take the time you need.
We do love you Lis and that has been a common thing I have read in every post in this thread. Everyone does love you. And, everyone here, I love you guys too. And not in the biblical sense
Last edited by missmyfriend; 09/24/0709:48 PM.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
There was once a time when this board was very serious.
Then along came Simes, and Jack, Jeanette, Lis and a few others who made my journey just a little more palatable.
And somewhere along the way some things went a bit awry.
And feelings got hurt, and lines were crossed and we somehow forgot the real reason why we are all here.
Everyone has something to contribute to this place.
There is nobody better, or worse, just some a little further on in their DB adventure.
As we take the time to get to know each poster, we can see that the very fact that they began posting was to originally save their marriage, rather then just quit trying.
That means something, especially to me.
It shows that they have character, and they know what commitment means.
Sometimes we need a little nudge in the right direction, or a 2x4, depending on the situation.
Sometimes we also need to remember, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend".
We don't always hear what we want to, and sometimes even when we genuinely care about someone, we are obligated to tell the truth, and not just say the words that tickle our fancy.
There have been times when I too have given my opinion of something and have been blasted, because maybe my words just didn't make sense.
I remember when I posted something to Jeanette and she flipped out. We spoke on the phone about it and sorted out the misunderstanding immediately.
I think it is absolutely wonderful that so many come running to the aid of Lissie, she is a very special person. But she is also a grown up woman who has no problem fighting her own battles.
My God, the woman knows how to box!!!
She already knows she is loved, she knows who her friends are and she knows how to pick up a phone.
I do think that there has been too much pressure on Lis to "perform" and to be everyone's bestest friend.
Although this thread is a very kind and thoughtful idea, it may just be a little over the top.
As I have already said, there are many people on this board that have contributed and have wonderful things to share that don't have special tributes paid to them.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
TO EVERYONE!!!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I really liked BND's comment, but I do think that LIssie has had a particularly difficult time. She has so unstintingly supported others, and it seems good that if she cannot post, then we shouldn't just 'let her go' UNLESS that is her express wish.
A thread for Lissie is not a sign that others are not valued. The combination of Lissie's contribution, and the very horrible treatment that she has received from her h do seem extraordinary to me.
I saw Lissie use the word 'hate' several times in her last post. I'm sad she was put in that position of feeling like there was a lot of 'hate' going on. She has enough issues to deal with right now.
Some people may have decided to 'hate' Amyc for making an observation.
AmyC pointed out that certain communications were 'weirding her out'. Specifically that 'fig' is a little overboard in her 'praise' of Lissie and her possible obsession over Lissie's situation. She was concerned and spoke out to HELP.
Amy may not have written it as eloquently as she could, but it didn't sound threatening or hateful to me.
Instead of pausing and taking a moment to think about what AMY has observed, the 'defensive' posture was working overtime.
Instead of Fig perhaps thinking 'am I too wrapped up in Lissies sitch? It the drama keeping me going?" Amy gets attacked for saying this.
LIssie is once again forced to defend those who have put her on a pedestal, and everyone is hurt.
This is an important lesson. I really urge the players here to look back again and think about what is REALLY going in in their hearts over this.
Same thing happened during the 'real man' episode.
Maybe, just maybe, when we can all take things with a grain of salt and hold back on the 'gushing' all the time we'll be able to deal with the hard part of our lives more maturely?
Can you you take MY comments as 'not attacking' but as 'thought provoking'?
