Yeah, I think that's warped but then I must be warped too because similar thoughts have crossed my mind. I don't have kids so I'm sure it's even worse with that to think about as well. My heart goes out to you.

My mom told me something a while back that might help you out. I was stressing about W and what if I do something wrong, what if I say something wrong, what if what if what if. She said "She's gone, you've already lost her, so do anything cause you have nothing left to lose". That really brought me some peace. I was so busy trying to change the situation and make it be something it wasn't that I was wearing myself out. Instead, if I accept that it's already gone, I'm free of the stress because it's out of my hands. And, as a bonus, I'm free to do things for me which may in turn actually bring back what I lost. May not but maybe it will.

I don't know if you're familiar with "The Secret" but there's something in there that I keep thinking about. What you resist, persists. I was fighting so hard against getting a D (and still am in some regards) that I was actually bringing it closer to happening. Instead, the more turn my energy towards fighting for the M, the more successful I become. Instead of fighting against the stream, I use it's momentum to help me make small changes in the current. Homer McDonald refers to this as jujitsu. It's hard and I'm by no means perfect (read my thread for proof of that ) so I'm not lecturing. In fact, maybe I'm talking more to myself than to anyone else. I do think there is value in this though which is why I'm passing it on.