All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

Hi Cat,

I love some of your descriptions for MLC - Coma, Lala land, back into the cave etc i am totally with you on that one

I seriously think you should consider a women's group. You offer support and perceptive advice to all and I think it would not only help other women but you would get what you were looking for back. It's a pity there isn't anything like that in the UK. Do you have to be trained or have qualifications?

Inner calm and peace is what i need right now.

XD

I bet your a very loving mum and wife. I have a friend very similiar and the more i get to know her the more she confides in me and I thought I knew everything about her!! Her advice has also been so perceptive it made me wonder what she had gone through herself.

What do you do for a living? I work at the same place as my H, i'm in admin he's a swimcoach (always tired because of the conditions he works in - humidity).

I looked into the prospect of a C, there was a lady locally but she didnt have enough qualification and to me that meant very little experience. We have a large organisation which is a registered charity it's called RELATE. But they have such a large waiting list that you could be divorced by the time an appointment came up. This is the group that we went to jointly for an assessment then we waited almost 2 months for an appointment, by then my H was totally against it.

My husband wouldn't read anything on R at all. He doesn't read well as he has dyxlexia and he is also very skeptical, at least your husband acknowledge's he has problems and is seeking self help. My H, I believe has issues from his childhood, his mom and dad divorced when H was 14, things had become violent and they argued often, his mom worked 2 jobs and eventually remarried a man who began to hit her regularly, H moved out to live with his dad and girlfriend, she made it very clear he could lodge at the house, but he was to be totally independent and not hassle his dad for anything. My H admitted to me recently that he was not that close to his mom, that they never chatted about girlfriends, relationships and that he has felt he has been on his own and had to work out his own problems since he was 14 (I cried when he told me, He'd never said anything before. This is why I believe he wants to leave rather than stay and work through whatever his issues are.

Update since yesterday: H went out for his curry last night but was back early as 2 mates didn't turn up. I thought he seemed distant with me. I hugged up to him in bed this morning and he hugged up to me after I'd asked him 4 times to do so. I feel I want to 'act as if', but when he is so far on his side of the bed he's practically on the floor I wonder if I should bother.

We've had problems with the computers in the house and he spent 2 hours trying to fix them this morning while I was shopping with all 4 kids. He seemed short with me when I returned and not that friendly, I asked him why he was so snappy and was he talking to me (as soon as I said it I knew I shouldn't have????), he said he was tired and has just spent 2 hours on the phone to some tech guy at aol trying to fix the computers (which he has, bless him) I said all the right things, fixed lunch and tried to be as chatty as normal. He's gone to work now and will pop back for dinner before returning back to work until 10.15 pm.

Yesterday a good colleague at work asked me how things were going, I filled her in and after a brief pause she said she thought I was been strong, but how long was I prepared to put up with this from H, I tried to explain a little about MLC but she just said 'what if it's still the same this time next year, you deserve more'. That really upset me, what if it is the same this time next year?

It's the weekend and i'm in the usual panic mode, i guess i need to slow down, i think i'm expecting to much. I know i should'nt have asked him if he was talking to me, its just that he seems to have become even more distant and it makes me want to ask him if he's still thinking of moving out, he can't sit and eat with me atm.

Must go, high school musical 2 has just started on the disney channel and kids want me to watch it.

Cat - have a great weekend, what plans do you have? Do you ever plan ahead to do things with your H? Does he want to?