That sounds like a good conversation you had with your H. The Radical Honesty book is mind-blowing and well worth reading - I read it last month and I plan to read it again.
Things with H and I are kind of sucky right now. I think he has a virus because he has had zero energy. The vibe I get from him the whole time is that everything is my fault. He was packing to go on a dive trip, he couldn't find half his stuff and he was acting pissy about it like I was the one who should have made sure it was all put away properly. Later he went upstairs to bed and didn't even say "goodnight" or "I'm off to bed" or anything. Just disappeared. I just find that incredibly rude. When I went up I said "How come you sneaked up to bed without saying anything?". OK maybe not the best thing to have said. His reply in heavily sarcastic tones was "I didn't sneak up." The implication is that by wanting him to say something when he goes to bed I am trying to control him. He even leaves the house sometimes without a word to me. Is it me or is this just completely cr@p behaviour?
So today he is on the dive trip. I was dancing around the kitchen this morning because there was a really cool reggae track on the radio from the 80s and it pushed my dance button (doesn't take much - LOL). And I was feeling happy, then I felt a twinge in my boob and the thought *breast cancer* jumped into my brain. Not in a really serious way, because I have had it checked out and it's not that. But my next thought was that the first thing I would do if I found I was terminally ill would be leave my H.
I just stopped right there and started crying. The realisation that I am really wasting my life with H and that if I knew I had only 6 months to live or whatever I wouldn't be doing this anymore.
If I was going to be radically honest then when H gets back I would tell him that.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
