Let's put a new coat of paint....

[Floyd101]

SB,

I think Mal hit the nail on the head when she said this:

He may still think you don't trust him. He really betrayed your trust big time, and he understands the significance of that. It won't be earned easily. He was afraid I think - afraid of how many times you will forgive him for what he has done.

He may have done nothing wrong this time, actually sounds like he did a good deed, but his A has driven extreme fear into him. I dont think his lying is him trying to decieve you for bad reasons, it is done out of fear.

My H should KNOW by now that I won't "freak out", just how many more of these tests must I pass?

Let me give you an example.

When he got home, something made me ask if he'd recieved any e-mails from OW.

He said he'd not been on his e-mail, but would check it later. That didn't sit well with me, and I asked if we could check it together. H was resistant, but did give me his e-mail password.

I insisted. I said I couldn't trust him until I found out what that message was about.

I was very relieved that in our subsequent exchanges, she spoke of only a friendship, of having warned H about the OW.

You insisted, you pushed to find out, you told him you couldn’t trust him. Did you really pass the test? I would have been freaked out too. Why would you be so persistant about digging if there werent going to be reprocussions if you found out about a lie (old or new)?

After I printed out the e-mails with this latest "pal" I asked H about her.

Let me ask you this, why are you keeping this crap? Evidence and proof? Something to use against him, or throw in his face? I noticed before you were saving e-mails from OW too. My suggestion…….BURN IT ALL!!!!!

Something I had to do, and you really need to do also SB, is take a blind leap of faith. Stop checking in, start “blindly” trusting him. I absolutely had to do it for my W to open up to me at all. I think you need to also. This was a very important step in my sitch.

I reread this and realized it could sound a little harsh (just a little). Please don’t take it that way. I want to give you my .02, no matter what it is, and you can throw it in the pile of advice to take into consideration when making decisions. Hopefully it helps.

Hope your H gets to feeling better, the anxiety and such. Its gotta be rough on the both of you.

BTW, very nice rant
((((((SB))))))