Thank you both so much. I sat tonight with some friends and they really hit a lot of these points also.
I am a very self sacrificing person. I don't really know even who i am anymore. I have lost myself in who I needed to be for him.

I am just not sure where to start. I was asked tonight what was holding me back from moving on and GAL and the answer I came up with was because i am afraid I will lose H forever. How silly is that. I have already lost him forever so I really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by improving. I just need to figure out where to start.

I think part of me is afraid that if I change and move on I will realize how badly I was treated and I wont want my marriage. I know that really sounds warped but I get scared that I might find I am happier without him and that terrifies me as to what that will do to my kids.

M 32 H 39
SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4
E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06
On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again.
On 08/11/07 Walked out again.

People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"