You have good questions, w8ing. One resource that helped me understand MLC better is Jim Conway's book "Men in Midlife Crisis." There's a lot of other MLC ifo out htere, but this was a good place for me to start. Maybe it can answer some of your questions.
I guess the difference to me is in the causes, although what causes MLC is still pretty nebulous in a lot of ways. Not all MLCers will show the same symptoms. For instance, my H never spewed either, but there were/ are a lot of other things that led me to conclude that he's in MLC.
Anyway, there is no excuse for MLC behavior, but there are reasons. That being said, you may never be able to explain this whole thing, MLC or not.
I don't know if any of that helps! Keep GALing; it will get his attention eventually. Do more of what you know works; and if you're not sure what that is, experiment until you do.
