H went to the doctor today to get a note saying he is fit to return to work, meaning the end of sick leave etc.
When he got home, something made me ask if he'd recieved any e-mails from OW. She hadn't called, all the phone messages were on the machine as promised.
He said he'd not been on his e-mail, but would check it later. That didn't sit well with me, and I asked if we could check it together. H was resistant, but did give me his e-mail password.
I checked it. There were no messages from OW, but there was one suspicious message. He was right here with me, and told me that it was nothing but junk mail (which 5 of the 6 messages were). I said I was going to reply to the 6th and he grew very agitated and angry, wanting me to move so he could disable the account.
Strange, since he was willing for it to die a natural death in 30 days, same thing he said in November.
I insisted. I said I couldn't trust him until I found out what that message was about. (it said something along the lines of "Where's my doodle? I need a doodle fix, hearts hearts....)
I replied with "who are you?" To which she replied very personally. After a couple of those kinds of exchanges, I informed her that I was H's wife.
Long story short, she's someone from the chatline who he befriended, and helped through a suicide attempt over a year ago.
I was very relieved that in our subsequent exchanges, she spoke of only a friendship, of having warned H about the OW. I believe it all. Seems she reached out again 2 weeks ago when she changed her e-mail address and was just checking in with him.
The real problem is....H LIED AGAIN! Saying that that message was "just junk mail". He could have told me there and then who she was! But again he was afraid, panicked.
He said he "just wished that would all disappear". This is sounding way too familiar....he "just wished" all of our R problems would disappear without him having to do anything about them, he "just wished" that the OW would disappear so he wouldn't have to deal with that.
CRAP!!!
After I printed out the e-mails with this latest "pal" I asked H about her. It all adds up, and she does sound like a decent person.
But H was inconsolable, had a panic attack in front of my eyes. Didn't want me to touch him. I brought him some water, cried, and sat by his side until it passed.
I asked him what I could do for him. He said "let me play music" so the stereo is cranked right now. I did reassure him that this didn't mean "the end" or anything of the sort. I told him I love him and kissed him on the forehead.
Is this a pathological problem for him? Will he ever feel strong enough to stand up and face things?????????
