Click on what links? I told you I'm a computer idiot!!
Okay gang, it kind of sucks being married to someone who is more than a bit psychic.
H just shared with me a dream he had a couple of nights ago. In it (among other things) He sees me at a party with the very fellows (old married pals) who gave me inappropriately passionate kisses good-bye the night of that long ago wine+sambuca party.
In the dream my and their behaviour is wildly outrageous (including some nudity and "grinding" which did NOT occur in reality!)...but the basic stuff, well...Yikes!
I admitted to the kisses, some flirtation, bossom talk and the like. It would be stupid to deny since it's all posted here on my 2nd thread. And if he signs on....
It just felt really uncomfortable to be pressed for these details and made to feel like the betrayer or a slut when what H was doing at the same time!!! and for months and months before was SO much worse.
In the dream was also D, my best friend's H. He was setting up cameras and I was nude behind a curtain of some sort. In reality, back in Dec. D had offered to take digital photos of me (I'd always been jealous that he takes all kinds of classy/sexy shots of his W, while my H shows no interest in taking any kind of photos of me at all). Of course I declined! I've NEVER had a sexy shot of me taken by anyone. And I love his wife!
Too weird, huh?
Now I think I'll try to find the post regarding that night and show it to him. It will be tough, though, because I was in a very different place at that time and can't even remember what I wrote!
What do you all think of H bringing this up now? He did and does have jealousy issues. Just before he left (just now) he said in no uncertain terms that "No one will be taking pictures of you!" I said "Oh, really? Could it be any worse than the photos of yourself you sent to OW" ?(suggestive, half-dressed shots of himself on our couch).
He made allusions to the fact that these are people we socialize with...true...but how does that make what he did any less horrid?
On the plus side, he was reading "After the Affair" when I left for work this morning, and did some house-cleaning while I was gone too. He also completed a CD that I'd been wanting to have .
High five to you for feeling comfortable enough to come here. I think I stick to the bad luck thing. It must be the irish in me. Thanks for checking on me.
erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
Thanks for stopping by my thread! Your post made me laugh...you mean I shouldn't engage my wonderful warm husband in conversations about my insecurities (over the A) on the phone??? Ah well, the rushing forward of my frail ego knows no good timing!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
We were supposed to go out for dinner, but here it is almost 9:00 p.m., two glasses of wine later and H is out on another burger run .
That's okay, we've been talking since my last post. I told H about the "kisses", assured him that that's the sum of what I have to "confess". Thank God! Sure glad I don't subscribe to the revenge school of thought or I'd have some explainin' to do myself! (Glad I can hold my head up high!! )
Conversation turned back around to the OW, more details on the past few months. Turns out H feels that he would never had gone to her...even when I was going grey. He'd seen (and continued to see) sides of her that were very unsavoury. How does an affair with her father-in-law sound to you???
This is something that DBer's need to hear though: Every sitch and every S is different. My H took my going grey, becoming more independent and getting a life as signs that I was pulling away from him. He feels it set our sitch back!!!
I got the sense that he feels I enabled him to continue the EA by NOT questioning his long absenses and such. But I don't know, when I did mention stuff it was met with anger and defensiveness.
He clarified his suggestion that I be more "suspicious" now. He meant that I shouldn't hold it in when my gut feeling is that something is wrong, or doesn't add up.
Now I know (and told H as much) that this flies in the face of a lot of DBing wisdom. But as even Michelle admits, each sitch is different and we must do what WORKS.
It's probably significant that I am not by nature a suspicious person and have not tended to (with a few exceptions) accuse or assume things that weren't really happening.
Having a good night though...feels really good to just talk. He's being very open...told me more about OW #1.
The more I hear about OW #2 the more relieved I am. Plus H's letter about his dream started thusly:
Dear S,
I am so glad we are moving forward and "putting a new coat of paint" on our M. (told him about the thread name...no guesses yet??) I feel that we will end up with a stronger M and R. I'm also glad that "Glenn Close" is out of my life for good. ...Under NO circumstances will I ever allow her or anyone else for that matter to enter my life.If she calls, I will tell you. If she tries to black mail me again, GOOD LUCK...because it is all out in the open....
I want us to move ahead with a renewed committment to each other and our marriage and to always be truthful and open with each other no matter how hurtful or painful some issue you or I may have....I want us to talk things out til both of us are satisfied so we can move on without carrying resentments or baggage into the future...
Sounds good to me!
So do burgers and a 'lil more wine...maybe listen to that CD he burned for me today?
I responded to your dream on your thread Kelli, hope it helps (my H had a few other ideas which I will add once you take a peak at mine).
All's well here. The burgers did me in, and I dozed throughout a movie and hit the sack earlish. Stayed in bed late , and now H is making another batch of his fantastic French toast....yum!!!
We're gonna try for dinner out tonight, and then it's off to play darts at a friend's place.
Well as to be expected, the roller coaster takes a dive...
Pal D was at darts last night and made some allusions to W having access to all my files and my e-mail...not anything I hadn't thought of before, but it unsettled me.
Then I had a nasty dream this morning in which H was looking at all my private stuff, bb, journal, e-mail, while I was at work. Not a great way to start the day.
So I mucked around on the computer for a while, hopefully didn't screw anything up, changed my password on my e-mail account and then needed some help with H to find out how to password protect individual files.
So I locked up my journals.
I feel relieved that these things are now private, but dislike the renewed tension between us. He assured me that he's never looked at my stuff.
But be honest everyone: If your S's email had a password YOU put on there, and his/her journals popped up whenever you hit "files" on WORD, would you NOT be tempted to take a peak???? I'm pretty sure I would .
H questioned me heavily about just what D had to say, and I told him I think he's suspicious (as he is by nature), and when he found the chatline link last weekend...because last night he went on about password protecting, creating his and hers passworded files etc. I know he's just "looking out" for me..(and I can be naive, obviously) but I really don't need my suspicions fed right now.
Then I copied OW's last batch of e-mails over onto a protected file and am now printing them out. There's just so many words of love, comittment, jealousy, *sobs*, etc...
I know he says she was demanding these things "or else...", but the content goes way overboard. If he was really wanting her to move on and disappear (as he maintains) I'm not sure constant reassurances of his love and plans to be with her, his hoping she'd never find "someone like him" etc. were the right way to go.
CRAP!!!
Also journalled today about my needs in regards to financial openness on H's part. So many suspicious things there...but that's another post, and I imagine best left for another day .
Well, I password protected my journals and changed my e-mail password.
Talked to H about it, D's comments, and my dream. Even got into a bunch of other stuff (he agreed to the financial open book ), without arguing or things getting too tense.
It seems best when I share with him the things that are bothering me, how others are feeding into my fears etc.
So a bunch of "tough stuff" dealt with for one Sunday, and no sense of distancing or set back.
Are we breaking all the DB guidelines here or what?
Sorry I didn't have a chance to catch up with your sitches today, might have some time from work tomorrow.
Thanks for checking on me.
)
