Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

I've read that the first 3 years after the arrival of a baby are the toughest on a marriage -- um, has anyone stopped to do the math regarding multiple children? I swear, I'm in awe of those that survive it.

I can see how it happens...the tiredness, the "what about me?", the interloper :-) (I mean that in the kindest way). I absolutely adore my time with Charlotte...I think h thinks that means that I don't miss my time with him. He is so dead wrong about that but I don't know how to convince him and handle, well, the added responsibilities I have now. I wish that he weren't so black and white.

Honestly, I can also see how the seeds of WAW'dom are planted. If I didn't have such an education in it, I think I would be seething with resentment. That is, if I didn't see how my own actions (as stuck as I am with them) are contributing to the bind I feel at times. The biggest loss for me of late is the time I used to take prepping to feel "sexy", "like a woman", etc. Working out, having my hair and nails done, shopping for clothes. I never realized how much I relied on it to feel good about myself, needed it. I know, I know...take it for myself...find it...but (ah, the "but") I feel so internally aggravated about the whole thing..I want to shout "Hey, fella, if you'd give me a break and stop treating me like the full time mommy here I might be more able/inclined to feel like the wife." Yes, sigh, the division of labor still sucks.

Oh, wait, I suggested that things were going more smoothly, right? Ah, I guess they are but I wouldn't say "smooth". h isn't talking to me right now for reasons unknown. :-( What IS different about this sitch is that previously I'd be bending myself into a pretzel trying to figure out why. Now I figure I'll find out when he's ready. Gives me more time to read and post. Hahahaha.

Oh, my, I did not intend to be a downer. I guess I'm just missing my husband.

Sage