We were supposed to go out for dinner, but here it is almost 9:00 p.m., two glasses of wine later and H is out on another burger run .
That's okay, we've been talking since my last post. I told H about the "kisses", assured him that that's the sum of what I have to "confess". Thank God! Sure glad I don't subscribe to the revenge school of thought or I'd have some explainin' to do myself! (Glad I can hold my head up high!! )
Conversation turned back around to the OW, more details on the past few months. Turns out H feels that he would never had gone to her...even when I was going grey. He'd seen (and continued to see) sides of her that were very unsavoury. How does an affair with her father-in-law sound to you???
This is something that DBer's need to hear though: Every sitch and every S is different. My H took my going grey, becoming more independent and getting a life as signs that I was pulling away from him. He feels it set our sitch back!!!
I got the sense that he feels I enabled him to continue the EA by NOT questioning his long absenses and such. But I don't know, when I did mention stuff it was met with anger and defensiveness.
He clarified his suggestion that I be more "suspicious" now. He meant that I shouldn't hold it in when my gut feeling is that something is wrong, or doesn't add up.
Now I know (and told H as much) that this flies in the face of a lot of DBing wisdom. But as even Michelle admits, each sitch is different and we must do what WORKS.
It's probably significant that I am not by nature a suspicious person and have not tended to (with a few exceptions) accuse or assume things that weren't really happening.
Having a good night though...feels really good to just talk. He's being very open...told me more about OW #1.
The more I hear about OW #2 the more relieved I am. Plus H's letter about his dream started thusly:
Dear S,
I am so glad we are moving forward and "putting a new coat of paint" on our M. (told him about the thread name...no guesses yet??) I feel that we will end up with a stronger M and R. I'm also glad that "Glenn Close" is out of my life for good. ...Under NO circumstances will I ever allow her or anyone else for that matter to enter my life.If she calls, I will tell you. If she tries to black mail me again, GOOD LUCK...because it is all out in the open....
I want us to move ahead with a renewed committment to each other and our marriage and to always be truthful and open with each other no matter how hurtful or painful some issue you or I may have....I want us to talk things out til both of us are satisfied so we can move on without carrying resentments or baggage into the future...
Sounds good to me!
So do burgers and a 'lil more wine...maybe listen to that CD he burned for me today?
.
)
