Thanks for the support. The last couple of days I felt like I had hit a brick wall. H was out of town last night for business, so he says, so it was very much a trigger for me.
He gets angry when I question him, like I should automatically trust him overnight. He seems to forget that he lied to me for a year. For a year, many of his overnight trips were at hotels 20 minutes up the road! So of course I was wondering and fretting. I wasn’t going to ask questions, but he brought it up. He wanted to know what sort of hoops he was going to have to jump through to prove he was going to be alone. What he needs to do to prove he is no longer sleeping with her he is not willing to do.
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Does H know how you felt about intamacy when he acted like he did?
All he kept saying after the A came out was that "I didn’t want him." He is still saying that -- like it justifies the affair. Well, for the past couple of years I didn’t just want him, I didn’t want to have much to do with him because of the drinking, never being home, sacrificing time with his D (now I know to be with OW), etc.
He says he talked to me but really what he did was criticize and put me down. He even made comments in front of my family like 'you never want to touch me', etc. It was so horribly embarrassing. He did nothing but further the divide between us. Only once do I remember him being compassionate with me about it. We did minimally talk about it a few times, but again, he was always negative, critical and angry.
Now I know why I had problems and I am facing them. He knows that and agrees with my answers.
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Do you know for sure that he is having an intimate relationship with her?
I know for sure that he slept with her at least twice since d-day. Since then I have no proof. He says he is not. The OW called in the middle of the night a couple weeks ago, drunk and pissed off. She demanded to know if we were having sex. Since then he says she is just looking for companionship. But if OW is so pissed off that he is sleeping with his wife, is she really looking for companionship? Doesn’t make sense to me. Or maybe she is pissed off because he is not sleeping with her! Who knows.
Meanwhile, by all means GAL and do 180’s. This will help your state of mind as it has others here.
I’m reading a lot on this board. Feeling better already. We are supposed to do something tonight but right now I feel like telling him I have other plans! I waited around for him last week when we were supposed to have dinner and he didn’t show up until after 8 pm. (He was with OW and friends and didn’t bother to call me.)
